Ti mama

Mama T's is one of those mom & pops deli shops you just love to support. Tina and Dennis are real nice people that love what they do. If you call your order ahead of time they will definitely have all your order ready when they tell you. NEW LOCATION. 8130 W Waters Ave. Tampa, FL 33615 (813).447.3124 Get delivery from MaMa Ti's African Kitchen super-fast to your door. Order online and track your order live. No delivery fee on your first order. Preorder to. Your Address. 0. MaMa Ti's African Kitchen. African • 4.5 (95) • 6385.6 mi • $$ $0.00. delivery fee. Enter your address for ETA ... “ Since 2014, Haiti Mama has been addressing endemic poverty through actions of solidarity, love, and education, leading to a culture of sharing and dignity for all. Success must be like our daily bread, we can’t fail because [we at Haiti Mama] are their last chance and hope to stay alive. ” — Patrick, Haitian Social worker TI Clips TI Popularity . Most Popular #1131. Born on September 25 #5. 39 Year Old #13. Born in Georgia #32. First Name TI #1. Born in Atlanta, GA #18. Rapper Born in Georgia #12. Libra Rapper #11. TI Movies . Ant-Man. Ant-Man and the Wasp. ATL. More. TI Fans Also Viewed . King Harris. Instagram Star. Zonnique Pullins. R&B Singer. Tameka Harris. 'A Part of Us' - Mama Euralie, Tonton Julian, Little Ti Moune, and Storytellers 'Why We Tell the Story' - Storytellers A song with an asterisk (*) before the title indicates a dance number; a character listed in a song with an asterisk (*) by the character's name indicates that the character exclusively serves as a dancer in this song, which is ... TI's other baby mama is Lashon Thompson, and they have two kids together. Lashon is mom to Domani and Messiah, and she is also a part of the entertainment industry. According to Bravo TV, the Georgia native is an entrepreneur who runs a trucking company, acts as 'momager' for her kids' entertainment careers, and also a 'Mother Funders' star. Mama Ti's African Kitchen, Brooklyn Park: See 14 unbiased reviews of Mama Ti's African Kitchen, rated 4 of 5 on Tripadvisor and ranked #27 of 72 restaurants in Brooklyn Park. Maman-ti (Mama'nte), a Kiowa chief and medicine man also known as Swan, was born about 1835. He was a mysterious and somewhat sinister character whose name has been variously translated as Sky Walker, Walking Above, Walks-in-the-Sky, and Man-on-a-Cloud. He supposedly assumed the power that was once Dohäsan's after the latter's death in 1866. Y Tu Mama Tambien - Movie Trailer. HansGruber 84. 4:06 #916) Y tu mamá también (censored) Ashley Monte. 9:12. Casado con hijos Estelar Y Tu Mamá También Parte 1. Tallie Rosie. 3:40. Festival de Morelia proyecta “Y tu mamá también” a 16 años de su estreno. Función Excélsior. Trending.

moms are pretty (´•ω•`)

2008.10.04 05:25 moms are pretty (´•ω•`)

post whatever you want, as long as it's somehow related to moms, aunts, grandmothers, parenting, parents, etc.
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2020.04.22 20:45 Maltretator Tajna grupa internetskih trupa

Ovo mjesto u bespućima interneta je namijenjeno za sve smiješne seksističke, proste, politički nekorektne i ostale slike ili filmiće koje ne želiš da ti mama vidi. Ovo je tajni subreddit, što objaviš ovdje vide samo članovi. Addendum: Poštovana Nova Članice! Ovdje nitko neće misliti da si kurva ako objaviš nešto što bi moglo značiti da voliš seks. Znamo da voliš, to je ok i ne znači da moraš dati baš na *svakom* okupljanju grupe. Opusti se.... i uključi u grupu ljude koji imaju smisla za humor
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2020.09.25 19:23 worldgoneone F.R.I.E.N.D.S aNd McU aRe tHe bEsT. Fu iF yOu dOn'T aGrEe.

Tl;Dr : I aM bOrEd, F.R.I.E.N.D.S aNd McU aRe tHe bEsT. Fu iF yOu dOn'T aGrEe.
OkAy lIsTeN! I sAw aLl tHe mAjOr sItCoMs, aNd fUcK yOu hAtErS, F.R.I.E.N.D.S Is ThE BeSt!!! YoU sHoW oFf nOoBs, wHo wAnNa lOoK cOoL hAtInG fRiEnDs, jUsT fUcK oFf. Va fA NaPoLi! AlL yOuR aRgUmEnTs aRe mOo pOiNtS. F.R.I.E.N.D.S iS oBjEcTIvElY tHe mOsT cOnSiStEnT, eVeR iMpRoViNg sHoW. On a pErSoNaL lEvEl, iT tOuChEd mOrE hEaRtS tHaN yOuR mAmA tOuChEd dIcKs. I kNoW sOmE oF yOu fOlKs hAtE F.R.I.E.N.D.S bEcAuSe oF tHe aGgReSsIvE fAnS lIkE mE, bUt yOu kNoW wHaT, wE wErE jUsT hApPy pEoPlE hAvInG, gIvInG, sHaRiNg aNd rEcEiViNg lOvE. YoU hAtErS sTaRtEd tHe hAtE, tO wHiCh wE hAd tO bAnG oUr fIsTs tOgEtHeR tO rEcIpRoCaTe!! If yOu sAy HiMyM, jUsT dIe. CoUlD yOu bE mOrE wRoNg?
NoT jUsT F.R.I.E.N.D.S, tHeSe sO cAlLeD "lIt" pEoPlE hAtE aLl tHe fAmOuS tHiNgS lIkE MaRvEl (McU). (StArTeD oFf aS a lIsT, bUt gOt oNlY oNe tHiNg, lOl). ThErE aRe 3 kInDs oF pEopLe (mAy bE mOrE bUt jAg oFf). 1. PeOpLe wHo aCtUaLly lIkE fAmOuS tHiNgS iRrEsPeCtIvE oF tHe fAmE, 2. PeOpLe wHo pReTeNd tO lIkE sTuFf cUz iT iS fAmOuS, 3. PeOpLe wHo (pReTeNd tO) hAtE sTuFf pUbLiClY, jUsT cUz iT iS fAmOuS.
So, tO sUm iT uP, I wRoTe tHiS cUz I gOt tHiS bOtTlEd uP aNgEr tOwArDs F.R.I.E.N.D.S aNd McU hAtErS. F.R.I.E.N.D.S iS lIfE, McU iS lOvE aNd FuCk yOu R___ ____e aNd 69 oThErS. (YoU kNoW, cUz (t)hE(y) pOSt(s) aNtI-F.R.I.E.N.D.S mEmEs).
If yOu wAnNa sTaRt lIsTiNg tHe tHiNgS wRoNg wItH F.R.I.E.N.D.S (&McU), dOn'T bOtHeR. A tHiNg iSn'T bEaUtIfUl bEcAuSe iT iS pErFeCt, iT's eXiStEnCe iS a pRiViLeGe. AlSo, nEiThEr yOu, oR yOuR sTuPiD fAvOuRiTeS aRe pErFeCt. EvErYtHiNg iS a mAtTeR oF oPiNiOn aNd pReFeReNcE, aLl I'm sAyInG iS wAtCh iT, dOn'T wAtCh iT, jUsT StFu. DoN't yOu fUcKiNg sPrEaD nEgAtIvItY yOu cAmEl sHiT gObBlInG cUnT.
Ps: DoN't eVeN tRy tO sEaRcH fOr lOgIc iN tHiS. ThIs iS aLl tRaNsPoNdEr sTuFf.
YeAGeNdEr: 20xX, PaNsExUaL
submitted by worldgoneone to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 09:20 AliceOfSinnoh [USA] [H] PS4 Games, Switch Games, Persona Q2 w/pin set (3DS), Neo Geo Pocket Color System, New Switch Pro Controller, Rayman CIB (Saturn), Battletoads (Genesis), Sly Cooper set (PS2), various Megaman games, more inside [W] CIB Pokemon games to finish my collection (GBC, GBA, DS, 3DS, Gamecube)

Hello everyone. I've been trading on other subreddits for a while now, but this is my first post on gameswap.
This is probably a long shot, but I'm a Pokemon collector trying to knock out a few of the gaps in my CIB Pokemon game collection. Right now, I'm really only interested in CIB games in good condition to finish my Pokemon set (check below my list of trades for a wishlist of the ones I still need).
9/25 Update - added Pokemon Pearl (UAE)
9/24 Update - added Megaman X Command Mission (GCN), PS4 DualShock controller, Nintendo Switch Joy-cons, Megaman Battle Network 3, Paper Mario Origami King + pin set, Super Mario Maker 2, various DS game manuals, Spyro, Spyro Ripto's Rage, Sonic Adventure 2, Final Fantasy Chronicles, Chrono Cross, Megaman Legends 1 & 2, Misadventures of Tron Bonne, Metal Gear Solid Essential Collection, Tomb Raider (Saturn), and Popful Mail Magical Fantasy Adventure

What I'm trading:

Name System Condition/Notes Pics
Battletoads Genesis Case and game only. Cartridge is in very good condition. Case art is in good condition. Hang tab on the case is missing. Here
Popful Mail Magical Fantasy Adventure SEGA CD Complete (instruction manual, foam block spacer, insert card, and longbox jewel case). Manual is in very nice condition with just some minor wear on the embossed SEGA CD logo. Registration cards and insert card are intact. Disc is near-mint, I don't see any scratches on it. Some very minor shelf wear on the longbox case (mostly some light scuffing), but it's intact with no real damage that I can see. Overall this game is in excellent condition, displays very nicely. Probably the best you'll get, short of finding one still sealed. Here
Rayman Saturn Complete (instruction manual and longbox jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some scratches). Manual's a little worn, but the registration card and pages are intact. Longbox is scuffed and shows shelfwear. Overall good condition. Here
Tomb Raider Saturn Complete (instruction manual and longbox jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some scratches). Manual's a little worn, but the registration card and pages are intact. Longbox is scuffed and cracked. Here
Sonic Adventure 2 Dreamcast Disc only. Disc is in good condition (some minor scratches). Here
Final Fantasy Chronicles (Greatest Hits) PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Discs are in good condition (some minor scratches). Manual shows some creasing and wear. Here
Chrono Cross PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Discs are in good condition (some minor scratches). Manual and art in good condition but the case is pretty much a writeoff (cracked/broken, price sticker residue). Here
TRADED Megaman Legends PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some minor scratches). Here
TRADED Megaman Legends 2 PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some minor scratches). Here
Misadventures of Tron Bonne PSX Complete (instructions, jewel case, and demo disc). Discs are in very good condition (some minor scratches). Former rental but in very good shape. Case has minor crack on the inside flap, and manual cover has been reinforced/"laminated" with plastic tape. Here
Spyro the Dragon PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Disc in good condition (some minor scratches). Case and manual show some wear. Here
Spyro: Ripto's Rage PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some minor scratches). Case and manual show some wear (tear on the manual, imperfections in the case). Here
Medarot R (JP) PSX Complete (instructions and jewel case). Disc in good condition (some minor scratches). Here
Super Adventure Rockman (JP) PSX Complete (instructions, all three discs, and jewel case). Discs are in very good condition (some minor scratches). Here
Metal Gear Solid: Essential Collection PS2 Complete (instructions, cases, box, and all discs). Outer cardboard box is in fair condition with creases, shelfwear, and adhesive residue. Cases, discs, and manuals are all in very good condition. Here
Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus (Greatest Hits) PS2 Complete (instructions and case). Disc in excellent condition. Here
Sly 2: Band of Thieves (Greatest Hits) PS2 New. Sealed. Here
Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves PS2 New. Sealed. On the back of the case, there's a minor tear in the shrinkwrap, and a small scratch on the case. Here
Megaman Zero/ZX Legacy Collection PS4 New. Sealed. Here
Megaman X Legacy Collection PS4 New. Sealed. Here
Megaman Legacy Collection 1 & 2 PS4 Legacy Collection 1 is complete (stickers, reference card, and insert included). Legacy Collection 2 is disc and art only (pre-owned copy from Gamestop). Both discs are in excellent condition. Here
Borderlands: Game of the Year Edition PS4 Complete (insert, map, and case). Disc is in excellent condition. Here
Borderlands: The Handsome Collection PS4 Complete (insert and case). Disc is in excellent condition. Here
CTR Crash Team Racing Nitro Fueled (Nitros Oxide & Pin Bundle) PS4 New. Sealed. Includes preorder bonus dashboard bobble figurine. Here
SpongeBob Squarepants Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated PS4 New. Sealed. Here
Crash Bandicoot N-Sane Trilogy PS4 New. Sealed. Here
Marvel Iron Man VR PS4 New. Sealed. Here
Persona 4 Golden Vita Complete (game card and case). Game card is in excellent condition. Here
TRADED Megaman X Command Mission Gamecube Complete (instructions, all inserts including registration card and TCG card). Disc is in very good condition. Here
TRADED Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild Switch New. Sealed. Here
Luigi's Mansion 3 Switch New. Sealed. Here
Paper Mario: The Origami King Switch New. Sealed. Includes preorder bonus pins. Here
Super Mario Maker 2 Switch New. Opened but never played. Complete (game and case). Here
Starlink Battle for Atlas Switch New. Sealed. (Game only, none of the bundle items included.) Here
Megaman X-Treme GBC Complete (insert, manuals, inner cardboard tray, and box). Box is in excellent condition. Cart is in very good condition (some minor scratches on back). RetroProtection box protector included. Here
Megaman Zero 3 GBC Complete (insert, manuals, inner cardboard tray, and box). Box is in very good condition (minor crease on front right corner, near "3"). Cart is in very good condition (some very minor scratches on back). RetroProtection box protector included. Here
Megaman ZX Advent DS Complete (manual, inserts, and case). Here
Pokemon Pearl (UAE Version) DS (English language.) New. Sealed. Here
Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass (Manual) DS Manual only, no box or game. Good condition. Here
Cooking Mama (Manual) DS Manual only, no box or game. Good condition. Here
Pokemon Ranger (Manual) DS Manual only, no box or game. Good condition. Here
Pokemon Diamond (Manual) DS Manual and insert only, no box or game. Good condition. Here
Pokemon Sun 3DS Complete (insert and case). Here
Pokemon X 3DS Complete (insert and case). Here
TRADED Persona Q2 New Cinema Labyrinth (Launch Edition) 3DS New. Opened but never played. Complete (insert and case). Includes pin set (new, sealed). Here
Neo Geo Pocket Color (Console) NGPC Loose, console only. Some very minor scratches on the screen, and some wear on the casing. Battery terminals are clean, works well. Here
Rockman Battle and Fighters NGPC Loose, cart only. Cart is in very good condition. Here
Advance Wars GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in decent condition. Some wear on the label on the front. Gamestop price sticker on back. Here
Megaman Battle Network 3 Blue (EU) GBA (English language.) Loose, cart only. Some label damage. Here
Megaman Battle Network 4 Blue Moon GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in good condition. Gamestop price sticker on back. Here
Megaman Zero GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in good condition. Gamestop price sticker on back. Here
Battle Network Rockman EXE 2 (JP) GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in very good condition. Here
Battle Network Rockman EXE 5 Team of Blues (JP) GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in very good condition. Here
Battle Network Rockman EXE 5 Team of Blues (JP) GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in very good condition. Here
Battle Network Rockman EXE 5 Team of Colonel (JP) GBA Loose, cart only. Cart is in very good condition. Here
Nintendo Switch Joy-Cons (Red/Blue) Switch New. Sealed. Here
TRADED Nintendo Switch Pro Controller (Black) Switch New. Sealed. Here
Playstation 4 DualShock Controller (Black) PS4 New. Sealed. Here
Mighty No. 9 Kickstarter Rewards Misc New. Manual and "US-Style" box, unfolded, from Udon and Fangamer, as a reward for backing the game to a certain point. Here
Metroid Other M Art Folio Misc New. Sealed. Preorder bonus for Metroid Other M. Here
Action Replay Max for Playstation 2 Misc I believe this is complete (includes tin, manual, disc, and USB stick). I'm afraid I don't know too much about it, though. Here

What I'm looking for:

If you think you have anything I might want, feel free to make an offer. Thanks for looking.
submitted by AliceOfSinnoh to gameswap [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 17:08 serigraphtea MNET CAP-TEEN - Complete 40-Second-Self-Introductions and Family Auditions

In case you missed the announcements so far
CAP-TEEN is like KPOP STAR but only for contestants between 11-19.
The winning contestant (or contestants, groups are allowed to compete) will win a debut song and choreography. I assume they'll be either directly signed to CJ E&M or to one of their subsidiaries.
Jessi and Lee Seungchul will be judges.
Official Profile Highlights Part 1
Official Profile Highlights Part 2
Full Profiles Can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/kpop/comments/ixxamz/mnet_capteen_full_participant_profiles/

Name Age more information 40 Second Self Introduction Audition with Family
Hwang Boeung 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / 2NE1 - Come Back Home)
Hanbyul 16 Contestant On KPOP STAR 6, Ex-YG Self Introduction Audition (Rap / Nicki Minaj - Feeling Myself)
Francisca 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Shakira - Try Everything)
Lee Hanjun 18 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / TXT - 9 3/4)
ROBIN 18 Contestant On TO BE WORLDKLASS Self Introduction Audition (Dance / TXT - 9 3/4)
Choi Jongeun 14 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Mims - Like This)
Choi Yeeun 16 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / J Balvin - Machika)
Choi Minseo 17 Self Introduction Audition (Rap / Self Written - Heed My)
Joo Yejin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Jessi J - Mama Knows Best )
Jo Eunbyeol 15 JB DANCE MUSIC Student Self Introduction Audition (Dance / BoA - Moto)
Cho Ahyeoung 19 Contestant On PRODUCE 48, Ex-FNC, Upvote Entertainment Trainee Self Introduction Audition (Dance + Vocal + Rap / Red Velvet - Peek-A-Boo)
Jo Sebin 18 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Oh My Girl - Nonstop)
Jo Seungho 19 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / NCT127 - Kick It)
Jo Minsoo 18 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Lady Bee - 10 Bands)
Jung Hyebin 17 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / TWICE - More & More)
Jeong Seonah 16 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Jung Jungil - Hug Me)
Jeong Dain 17 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Oh My Girl - Bungee (Falling In Love))
Jeong Jongin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Car, The Garden - Tree)
Lee Hyesung 19 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Britney Spears - Oops... I Did It Again)
Lee Junhyuk 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Crush - Wooah)
Lee Jaeeun 12 KID-DOL under LITTLE MUSE, Musical Actress Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Kim Nahee - Carbonara)
Lee Yubin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Heize - &July)
Lee Seoeun 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Bol4 - Galaxy)
Lee Seobin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Kim Gunmo - Moon of Seoul)
Lee Dahyun 16 Pre-Debut Member of 05Klass, Youtuber Self Introduction Audition (Violin / Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal)
Yoon Jiwoo 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Anne-Marie - 2002)
Yoon Minseo 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Andra Day - Rise Up)
Yoo Jiny 18 Contestant On KPOP STAR 6, WORLDSTAR ENTERTAINMENT TRAINEE Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Sia - Alive)
Yoo Ayeon 15 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Enrique Iglesias - Move To Miami)
Yoo Sua 17 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Baek Yerin - Square)
Yoo Minha 19 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Cardi B - Like It)
U-Min 18 Dancer, Youtuber, Actress Self Introduction Audition (Dance / J. Balvin - Mi Gente)
Yoo Dawon 18 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Lee Hi - Breathe)
Kang Damin 17 Contestant on PRODUCE 48 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Blackpink - Don't Know What To Do)
Nam Yoojoo 14 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Blackpink - Don't Know What To Do)
Oh Junhee 12 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / BTS - Boy In Luv)
Oh Sohyeon 18 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Oh My Girl - Dolphin)
Song Suwoo 18 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Lee Hi - Holo)
Song Hyerin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Taeyeon - All Night Long)
Bae Yujin 19 Model, appeared on Oh My Part, You Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Yoon Mirae - Always)
Bang Taehoon 19 CLIMIX Entertainment Trainee Self Introduction Audition (Dance / The Boyz - Reveal)
Park Hyerim 18 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Tinashe - Superlove)
Park Hyewon 19 Self Introduction Audition (Keyboard + Vocal / Oh My Girl - Dolphin)
Park Jeongmin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Jeong Sangkeun - Love Is)
Park Soyoon 18 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Jackson 5 - Want You Back)
Park Seoyoon 16 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Lee Hi - No One)
Park Gyeonghyeon 18 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Taeyeon - All About You)
Lee Chaerin 18 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / ITZY - WANNABE)
Lee Yerin 16 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / ITZY - WANNABE)
Bang Minjeong 12 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / BLACKPINK - BOOMBAYAH)
Jeong Minseon 12 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / BLACKPINK - BOOMBAYAH)
Jeong Siwoo 12 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / BLACKPINK - BOOMBAYAH)
Kang Minju 13 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / BLACKPINK - BOOMBAYAH)
Roh Hyeonji 16 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Ciara - Freak Me)
Kang Himchan 19 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Youngtak - A Glass of Makgeolli)
Kim Hyungshin 19 Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Destiny's Child - Nasty Girl)
Kim Hyunwoo 17 Self Introduction Audition (Rap / Agust D - Dwaechita)
Kim Hanbyeol 18 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Whitney Houston - I Have Nothing)
Kim Hangyeom 18 Student at FUZE PRACTICAL MUSIC - Rock Singer Self Introduction Audition (Guitar + Vocal / Ariana Grande - Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart)
Kim Chaeyeong 19 DREAM VOCAL & DANCE Student, possibly Kakao M Trainee Self Introduction Audition (PRODUCE 48 - Rumor)
Kim Junsu 19 THINK ABOUT Entertainment Trainee Self Introduction Audition (Untitled Dance)
Kim Jeongyeon 18 Self Introduction Audition (Vocal / Melomance - Gift)
Kim Yechan 15 Self Introduction Audition (Rap / Self Written)
Kim Seonyu 13 JB DANCE MUSIC Student, Youtuber Self Introduction Audition (Dance / Hexstatic - Auto)
Kim Dohyeon 15 Traditional PANSORI Singer Self Introduction Audition (Traditional Pansori / 춘향가中이별가대목, DANCE / Jax Jones - Introduction)
Kim Nayoung 19 DEF DANCE SCHOOL Student, possible WM Entertainment Trainee Self Introduction Audition (Untitled Dance)
Kwon Yeonwoo 18 Self Introduction Audition (Keyboard + Vocal / Abir - Tango)

submitted by serigraphtea to kpop [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 16:21 Dantam93 Madre

*TAC*TAC*TAC*TAC*, con movimiento preciso de sus dedos, una esbelta figura negra se dibujaba como por arte de magia en el papel. *TAC*TAC*TAC* sus dedos eran ágiles, se movían por el teclado a una velocidad alarmante, siempre llegando a su objetivo con una precisión fría.
"Señor Bustamante, me podría repetir eso último, ¿por favor?"
"Claro, claro." Bustamante se arregla su corbata, dando un poco de aire a su tráquea, que es aplastada por una corbata barata comprada únicamente para aparentar. "El registro de los últimos clientes ha sido todo un éxito, punto, siguiente párrafo. Espero poder reunirnos pronto, coma, y así solucionar los problemas asociados con la plantación, punto final."
"¿Le releo la carta señor?"
"No María, gracias, tengo un poco de afán."
"Como usted desee. Iré a la oficina de correos lo más pronto posible. ¿Necesita alguna otra cosa?"
"Gracias, gracias nos veremos después"
"Hasta mañana señor Bustamante"
María arrancó la hoja de la máquina de escribir, la guardó en un sobre marcado con el nombre de Bustamante y la selló con cera dorada.
Tomó entre sus cosas una chaqueta larga y café un poco grande para su delgado cuerpo, pero le gustaba el espacio. Además, así nadie notaba cuando se robaba algún par de panes o golosinas que Bustamante tenía para la visita.
Salió a la calle y se encaminó a la oficina de correo. Con la mirada siempre adelante, María caminaba determinada. Esta tarde había salido algo más temprano de lo usual, podría llegar a su casa a leer un poco y hacer una comida especial. Después de todo, era su cumpleaños. Mientras sus tacones chocaban con las piedras irregulares del empedrado del centro de la ciudad, pensaba que hubiera podido coger un bus o un taxi, pero el día era soleado y quería disfrutarlo. Por el camino pudo ver muchas personas. Le gustaba mirar a la gente, sus facciones, sus caras, se imaginaba su día, su profesión y la vida que llevaban. Los fines de semana se dedicaba a esta actividad con su hermana. Sonrió, su hermana, no era el más brillante de todos los focos, pero sabía divertirse con ella. Antes podía salir al parque con su hermana casi a diario pero, desde que su madre se enfermó, no había tenido tiempo alguno. Su vida era trabajar y luego llegar a la casa a cuidar de ella. Hacía unos dos años que le habían hecho el diagnóstico: cáncer de seno.
Había sido un arduo proceso, con aproximadamente mil quinientas citas médicas. Todo había comenzado cuando su madre había sentido un pequeño bulto en su seno izquierdo. Al comienzo lo ignoró, sin embargo, con el tiempo su seno había cambiado y se había vuelto como el cuero, o como una naranja. Cuando pudieron conseguir que la viera un médico, ya era un poco tarde, además su madre no quería que le hicieran mucho más. Desde hacía unos años hablaba de encontrarse nuevamente su marido, que había muerto 10 años atrás. Por esta razón decidió irse del consultorio donde la estaban atendiendo, dejando a María pidiendo perdón, roja de la pena y la ira. Desde entonces todo había cambiado: su mamá se había enfermado, cada vez era más delgada y casi no se podía parar de la cama, lo que hacía que se le formarán costras en la espalda. Sin embargo, María tenía amigas que habían sido enfermeras y le habían dado consejos para manejar esta situación. María debía llegar en las tardes después del trabajo, parar a su mama de la cama, darle un baño con agua tibia y mover cada uno de los miembros de su cuerpo.
Esta era la rutina que tenía a María al borde de las lágrimas en las noches, pues se había convertido en madre de dos. Su hermana Cleo era otro trabajo, pues, aunque no era tan dependiente de ella como su madre, tenía algunas cosas difíciles de manejar. Por ejemplo, no sabía distinguir entre su zapato izquierdo o derecho, por lo que todas las mañanas era tarea de María ponerle los zapatos al derecho.
Llegó a la oficina de correo, saludó al encargado de envíos y entregó la carta de Bustamante. Salió nuevamente. No era pico todavía y podría coger un taxi para llegar cómodamente a su casa.
"TAXI" gritó por la calle hasta que el vehículo amarillo paró al frente de ella.
"¿A dónde?" le preguntó el conductor, parecía de 40 o 50 años, con un bigote negro y grueso sobre el labio.
"La carrera octava con veintiuna por favor"
"Claro"
Al subir al taxi sintió una ola de acidez en sus fosas nasales, pensó que todos los pelos de su nariz se habían quemado e inclusive llegó a pensar que su nariz se había perforado. "¿Podría bajar las ventanas? ¡Huele a muerto en este taxi!"
"Sí, lo siento señorita" el conductor bajó todas las ventanas, parecía un poco apenado, María se preguntó si acaso dormía en el taxi, pues vio un cambio de prendas en el puesto de copiloto. De cualquier forma, apestaba por lo que María sacó su larga nariz por fuera de la ventana, intentando huir del desagradable hedor. Fueron 20 minutos de viaje en los que María pensó que se iba a desmayar unas 30 veces. El conductor intentó charlar con ella, pero no podía alejar su nariz del aire fresco, o juraba que iba a morir en ese infernal vehículo de 4 ruedas. Por fin, vislumbró el parque al frente de su casa, pagó rápidamente y se bajó corriendo.
Abrió la puerta de la casa. "¡Hola! ¡Ya estoy en casa!" grito. En el cuarto de arriba se oyeron los pasos de Cleo, pesados, ansiosos, rápidos, como un niño gordo que bajaba a saludar a sus padres, pensando que estos traían dulces para él. "¡Cleotilde, necesito tu ayuda!" Entró a la cocina y buscó el dinero que guardaba en el tarro del arroz.
"Mari, Mari, mamá no está bien" Cleo hablaba asustada.
"¿Qué pasó ahora?"
"No sé, le duele la teta"
"Seno, Cleotilde, ¿qué te he dicho de esas groserías?"
"Perdón Mari, es que le duele mucho, tengo susto"
"¿Es el mismo seno que siempre le duele?"
"Si, pero esta vez es peor"
"Tranquila Cleo, ya subo y la reviso". Como siempre, su placer tendría que esperar, después pediría a Cleo que fuera a la tienda por un ponqué, para que celebraran sus 60 años, ahora tenía que revisar que su madre no estuviera muriendo o peor aún que tuviera que llevarla al hospital.
Subió por las escaleras de madera, que cedían un poco a cada paso que daba. Algunas crujían y otras parecían que se iban a zafar, pero María conocía su casa muy bien y sabía que esto no iba a pasar. Caminó por el corredor del segundo piso hasta la primera puerta. Tocó dos veces con los nudillos y abrió.
"Madre, Cleo me ha dicho que te duele el seno."
"Mija, acércate, quiero decirte algo" María cerró la puerta y se acercó lentamente a su madre. El cuarto en el que estaban era grande, con una cama para dos personas de un buen tamaño en donde, en el medio, reposaba su madre, una pequeña figura encorvada con el pelo plateado y una arruga por cada segundo que había vivido. Su madre debía que tener unos 80 años, nunca había estudiado y había quedado embarazada recién casada. Sin embargo, había tenido una vida feliz. Su esposo, el padre de María había sido el dueño de una pequeña tienda de zapatos y nunca faltó comida en la mesa. María estaba cerca a su madre y de repente sintió una bofetada en la cara. Tuvo que retroceder dos pasos. Su madre apestaba, no era posible, ella misma la había bañado la noche anterior.
"¿Madre qué hiciste? Apestas"
"Mija, creo que ahora si me muero"
"No digas estupideces"
"Se me abrió la teta. Mira" se quitó el camisón que tenía puesto. María ahogó un grito. En donde estaba el seno izquierdo de su madre ahora había un líquido verde claro, espeso, con algunos puntos negros, o rojos, no estaba segura.
"¿Qué te hiciste?"
"María me rascaba y de repente me exploté la teta. Me duele, me duele mucho"
"Espérate, voy a traer algo para limpiarte." Abrió el closet que se encontraba detrás de ella. Sus amigas, las enfermeras, le habían recomendado comprar gasas y guantes, por si acaso tenía que limpiar las heridas de la espalda. Sacó un paquete y se puso los guantes. Cogió una de las gasas y comenzó a limpiar a su mamá. El olor era insoportable, había tenido que retirarse al menos 3 veces mientras limpiaba, solo para poder aguantar un poco. Su madre gritaba, intentaba quitarla con la mano, pero no tenía suficientes fuerzas. Al final logró limpiarlo todo, solo era un pequeño hueco en el costado del seno. Decidió taparlo con algunas de las gasas limpias, lo aseguró con esparadrapo y se quitó los guantes, satisfecha con su trabajo. No había más pus a la vista.
"¿Quieres algo para el dolor?
"Por favor mija, me duele mucho" del mismo closet sacó unas gotas que le habían dado las enfermeras, morfina, esto la calmaría, pero debía tener cuidado de no darle mucho o podría morir ahogada.
"Abre la boca mamá" su madre obediente abrió de par en par los labios, sacó la lengua y esperó por el alivio del frío líquido. María le dio 5 gotas. Guardó el frasco en el clóset y se sentó al lado de su madre. "Ahora si me va a tocar bañarte toda mamá, no te puede dar pena con tus senos, mira lo que pasa por tus bobadas". Su madre parecía atontada, no sabía si era por el dolor o si era por la morfina, pero ahora no le respondería.
Bajó al primer piso, le dio las instrucciones a su hermana para comprar un ponqué de zanahoria, su favorito, y unas velas para celebrar su cumpleaños. Cleo la abrazó y salió corriendo. Mientras tanto María se bañaría. Subió a su cuarto y cerró la puerta. Entró al baño, prendió la ducha, se quitó su ropa y entró. El agua estaba caliente, deliciosa, lo necesitaba después de este día. Cogió su jabón con olor a rosas y se limpió. El olor era delicioso… ¿Lo era? María olió sus manos y solo pudo oler el líquido verde. Nuevamente cogió el jabón y volvió a lavarse de pies a cabeza. Volvió a oler sus manos esperando oler a rosas, pero solo olía a su madre. Una tercera vez cogió el jabón y esta vez se lavó hasta quedar roja. Volvió a oler sus manos. Rosas, por fin. Se tranquilizó. Se lavó el pelo y terminó su baño. Oyó que en el piso de abajo su hermana estaba preparando el ponqué con las velas. María estaba emocionada, hacía un tiempo nadie hacía nada para ella. Se arregló y bajo.
“¡Mari! No tenían ponqué de zanahoria, pero compre de naranja con arequipe. Espero te guste mucho. Eres la mejor hermana mayor de todas. Te quiero.”
“Cleo no te preocupes, la naranja también me gusta. Yo te quiero a ti hermanita” la verdad era que María odiaba la naranja y el arequipe, pero no podía culpar a su hermana. Cleo tenía 20 años menos que ella, sus padres habían tenido un “feliz accidente”. Desde pequeña sabía que Cleo era diferente al resto. Tuvieron que sacarla del colegio porque los profesores decían que era retrasada, pero era la mejor hermana que hubiera podido pedir, siempre alegre, siempre dispuesta a darle un abrazo. Sopló las velas del ponqué y se sirvió un pedazo pequeño, Cleo casi se come la mitad del ponqué, pero María le dio un pedazo un poco más moderado. Después de comer era hora de revisar a mamá. María entró en el cuarto.
“Mamá hay ponqué si quieres. Es mi cumpleaños, no se si te acuerdas” no hubo respuesta. “¿Mamá?” se acercó a la cama de su madre. Por un momento pensó que se había pasado con la morfina, pero el movimiento del pecho de su madre la calmó, aún respiraba. Se acercó un poco más. Nuevamente le tocó retroceder, el hedor de su madre no había mejorado, sintió como penetraba cada uno de los poros de su cuerpo. El olor se mezcló con el sabor del arequipe en su boca, María buscó una caneca para vomitar. Decidió revisar el vendaje improvisado que había hecho, el cual estaba mojado por el líquido verde. Por el momento lo dejaría así y en la mañana llevaría a su madre al hospital. Llamaría a Bustamante y le pediría el permiso.
Salió del cuarto de su madre y llamó a Cleo para dormir. Se despidió con un beso en la frente y se encerró en su cuarto. Se sentía sucia nuevamente, por lo que se metió en la ducha. Sacó un nuevo jabón, este con olor a naranja. Se restregó fuertemente el cuerpo completo, esta vez no olería a su madre. Se olió las manos. Mamá. No era posible. Volvió a lavarse una y otra vez, pero no lograba quitarse el olor de encima, siempre que volvía a llevarse las manos a la cara, olía a su madre. La imagen del seno lleno de pus entraba y salía de su cabeza. Se lavó con fuerza, seguía oliendo. Pensó que tal vez era su madre que estaba apestando toda la casa, después de llevarla al hospital todo mejoraría.
Se acostó. Entre más rápido durmiera, más rápido llegaría al hospital. Cerró los ojos e intentó dormir. Pero el olor penetraba su todo su cuerpo, sentía la suciedad, sentía como si el líquido verde estuviera encima de ella. Abrió los ojos, y no había nada. Se puso dos pedazos de papel en la nariz, pero el olor estaba adentro de ella. No había escapatoria. Abrió las ventanas de su cuarto y prendió las velas de su mesa de noche. Seguía ahí. Pasaron horas y María no había podido conciliar el sueño, cada vez que cerraba los ojos sentía como si de su cuerpo saliera pus y la arropara. Se metió a bañar dos, tres, cuatro veces más, sin éxito alguno. Ya era suficiente. Iba a limpiar a su madre.
Entró en la habitación y prendió la luz. Su madre seguía durmiendo. Quitó las vendas del seno, intentando no despertarla. Estaban húmedas y las botó de inmediato a la basura. Un hilo de líquido verdoso salía del seno de su madre. Cogió un nuevo paquete de gasas y lo tapó. Rápidamente, la gasa se humedeció, por lo que tuvo que poner una nueva, una y otra vez, hasta que se acabaron las gasas del nuevo paquete. Desesperada sacó más gasas, sin embargo, se acabaron otros dos paquetes. No sabía qué hacer, no aguantaba más ese hedor, penetrando su nariz, entrando por su boca, lo saboreaba cada vez que respiraba. Su madre dormía profundamente, parecía que estaba respirando más lento de lo usual, pero María no le puso mucha atención. Toda su atención estaba enfocada en el olor. En un momento de rabia decidió apretar el seno de su madre, lo que hizo que saliera más pus, María maldijo entre dientes, lo limpió nuevamente y para su sorpresa se dio cuenta que ahora salía menos líquido que antes. Volvió a presionar, esta vez con más fuerza el seno de su madre. Una explosión verdosa salió disparada de su madre. María sentía como si hubiera ganado. Lo limpió, pensando que sería la última vez, pero cuando terminó, se dio cuenta que había un resto que seguía saliendo. Apretó con fuerza el seno de su madre una y otra vez, pero seguía saliendo pus. María estaba al borde de las lágrimas, no sabía qué más podría hacer, pero sabía que no podía seguir así.
Entonces tuvo una idea. Se acercó al closet y abrió uno de los cajones. Sus amigas le habían recomendado tener cuchillas, por si debía quitar las costras de la espalda de su madre. Cogió una cuchilla y la admiró, el frío metal brillaba con la luz del cuarto, sin una mancha, perfectamente conservado para los procedimientos médicos. Se acercó a su madre, que no había despertado y acercó su herramienta al seno, al lugar donde el pus la invadía. Sin titubear cortó el seno de su madre, primero un poco, y luego llena de felicidad hizo un trazo tan grande como su puño. Botó la cuchilla lejos y empezó a apretar el seno con fuerza, para sacar cada gota de pus, ya no la molestaría más.
“¿Mari qué haces?” Cleo se encontraba en pijama en la puerta del cuarto.
“¡Cleo! Vete a dormir, estoy ayudando a mamá”
“¿Mari no le ofreciste ponqué a mamá?”
“Si le ofrecí Cleo, pero ahora está dormida, vete a tu cuarto y duerme”
“¿Por qué estás encima de mamá?”
“La estoy ayudando, por favor ve a dormir”
“Déjame despedirme, no pude darle las buenas noches”
“Vete a dormir, mamá está muy cansada”
“Quiero despedirme Mari”
“Cleotilde vete a tu cuarto en este instante, no lo voy a repetir otra vez” Cleo se acercó a María desafiante. Cuando estuvo suficientemente cerca palideció.
“¿A qué huele? ¿Qué es eso rojo en la cama de mamá?”
“¡Vete a dormir!”
“¿Mari que le hiciste a mamá?”
“La estoy ayudando” María se paró de la cama e intentó alejar a Cleo de su madre, pero su hermana era mucho más grande que ella. Se lanzó encima de María intentando llegar a su madre.
“¿Mamá? ¿Estás bien?”
“¡CLEOTILDE VETE A DORMIR YA!”
“Mari quítate que quiero estar con mi mamá” Cleo lanzó a María a un lado, como una muñeca de trapo. Cleo cogió a su mamá, gritando para que reaccionara, pero esta seguía en un sueño profundo. María estaba asustada, no sabía que Cleo la podía tratar así. Mas aún, no sabía que Cleo olía a pus, ahora que estaba cubierta de él. María vio como Cleo comenzaba a supurar por los oídos, la nariz y la boca. No podía ser cierto, parpadeo y seguía viéndolo. Solo había una solución.
“Cleo, tengo que ayudarte a ti también” con un rápido movimiento María cogió la cuchilla del piso, se trepó en la espalda de Cleo y comenzó a apuñalar a Cleo en la cara, en la espalda, en el pecho. Chorros de pus comenzaron a salir de Cleo, como una fuente de líquido verde que nunca acababa. Su hermana peleó por unos minutos, pero se cansó y dejó de pelear. Ahora ambas dormían, y por fin María podría limpiar el desastre que habían hecho.
“Cleo mira lo que hiciste, y ahora adivina a quién le va a tocar limpiar todo esto”.
Se había demorado toda la noche, pero su madre y su hermana estaban impecables. No había pus en ningún lugar de la casa y al fin podría descansar. María salió de su casa. En la entrada los vecinos y un grupo de policías habían salido a visitarla, al fin tendría invitados en su cumpleaños. Los policías decidieron llevarla de paseo en su carro. Mientras unos hombres con batas blancas subieron y llevaron a su mamá y su hermana en otro carro, este más grande y blanco. María estaba tranquila, al fin olía a rosas.
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2020.09.23 07:11 pederastawat123 Suicidio

Un tiro un tiro en la cabeza seria la solucion Irme a las pampas desiertas alla por mollendo y meterme un tiro, para que asi nadie me encuentre y nadie sufra, porque si me quieren pero no pueden hacer nada por mi, no pueden mantanerme toda la vida, cada uno tiene su vida, sus problemas
Siempre quise morir desde que tuve la NOCION, esa misma nocion que tuvo mi primo desde los 12, yo tarde mas, la tuve a los 15, despues de que me rompieran el corazon Solo recuerdo estar en 1ro y ser muy loka ,era timida frente a mi familia tal vez o personas mayores, pero con mis amigos y compañeros de clase era totalmente desquiciada En segundo grado mama se fue, y bueno nos quedabamos con mi papa fue duro no se, entonces me volvi callada pero no era consciente de eso yo era supuestamente en lo que yo pensaba muy sociable solo era un poco reservada, pero cuando me fui a jaqui ahi me di cuenta y decidi cambiar, hice todo, todo, entonces me rechazaron y entonces no se estaba siempre triste, y me entro la locura de una manera terrible y pense el no me quiere, mis amigas no me quieren, no hay nadie conmigo, entonces enloqueci y pense en suicidarme y perder la virginidad ese mismo viernes, llevarme a mi tio conmigo, todo basado en un estupido recuerdo de lo que me dijo mi prima medica de que con una simple burbuja de aire en las venas podria morir, intente meter todo lo que pude de aire en una arteria en mi mano, comi mucho y entonces me recoste al lado de mi hermana esperando no despertar jamas. Pero al dia siguiente seguia viva malditamente viva. Entonces no fui al colegio pensando en maneras de acabar con mi vida, morir desangrada con cortes que no podia hacerme, decidi sacarme la sangre con la jeringa, pero que estupida idea, estaba tan ida, tan ida que no pensaba en lo que hacia. Le dije a mi mama de que queria suicidarme, lloramos le dije que no volveria a pensar en ello pero, al final me quede sola como siempre. Desde esos dias jamas volvi a ser la misma, jamas, cuando entre a 5to seguia con ideas suicidas, despues murio papa y olvidate ahora todo este sufrimiento lo atribuyo a mi padre y lloro en demasia supuestamente por su muerte pero, es triste si, pero que ahora este asi de triste por el no es verdad, y siempre se lo atribuyo pero esto viene de siempre talvez de siempre de siempre por los siglos de los siglos Pero la cosa es que, no puedo esta situacion me desespera pero no puedo no puedo hacerlo no tengo los medios para hacerlo matarte no es facil supongo Pero quiero hacerlo
Tengo 18 tengo que hacerme cargo de mi vrd? Pero nuevamente viene mi inutilidad y desperdicio a tallar resulta que no me aceptan en nada y cuando digo nada es NADA nisiquiera en una mierdera de fabrica de zapatillas es una mierda todo pero sobretodo YO SOY UNA MIERDA y todos me diran nono que dices y mil maravillas, pero entonces les dire, pero que dices si tu piensas lo mismo sobre ti, ayudame a ayudarte y matarnos. <3
Solo necesito un amigo 😓
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2020.09.22 19:45 readingrachelx In my Head with Heather Thomson Podcast Summary – Sept. 22, 2020 episode with Carole Radziwill

I didn't exactly proofread my work forgive me any typos please!
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2020.09.22 16:56 Xxstrangest_thingxX Half of the bee movie script. I cant post the whole thing.

Bee Movie Script
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey!
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2020.09.22 06:35 -hydraz Madre con derecho me acusa de secuestrador

Esto acaba de pasar y ya me arte de esto habia quedado con mi novia para ir a ver peliculas a mi casa y cenar (nada raro)
Elenco:
Yo: un tsuru tuneado shiny
Nv: mi novia
Md: la suegra con derecho
S: suegro (sin derecho)
P1: policia
P2: policia
P3: policia (borracho)
Nd: niño con derecho
La estaba esperando a 2 cuadras de su casa (para que nadie me viera) pero despues de media hora de esperar mi novia salio corriendo de su casa y solo me hizo una señal de que la siguiera y despues de correr como un 1 kilometro nos paramos y le pregunto:
Yo: ¿porque corremos?
Nv: mi papa llego a la ciudad hace una hora y mi mama no me dejaba ir contigo y le pedi permiso a mi papa y me dijo que si, a y se me olvido decirte ya hable de ti y me dijo que esta bien
me empiezo a poner nervioso
Nv: pero regresando con lo de que: porque corremos tome mis cosas y me voy a vivir con mi papa
Yo: perdon por hacer que hullas de tu casa
Nv: no te preocupes ni siquiera sabe quien eres imaginate si supiera
Yo: si es cierto
(Despues de pedir un uber y llegar a mi casa y desinfectarnos)
Nv: pon algo bueno no tus mamadas romanticas y tristes
Yo: pon la tu entonces
(Pone una pelicula de terror)
(A me dia pelicula suena el telefono de mi novia)
Telefono: tururururu tururu turu
(Mi novia contesta y empieza a enojarse y a negar con la cabeza hasta que cuelga)
Yo: que paso?
Nv: mi mama me llamo y me empezo a gritar ya sabes como es
Yo: a ok
(Despues de seguir viendo la pelicula escucho que derrumban la puerta)
P1: manos arriba!!!!
Yo: (temblando por la pelicula y el golpe) que pasa
P2: quedas arrestado por narco menudeo y secuestro
Yo: que vrg?
Nv: ( temblando y con lagrimas) creo que ya se que paso
(Entra md gritando y alzando los brazos)
Md: hija estaba preocupada por ti (me voltea a ver)
Md: (se sorprende y me grita ) tuuuuu como te atreves infeliz
Yo: ella tiene derecho a salir con quien quiera
P1: ¿que? ¿como que salir?
Md: no le crea es un narco secuestrador
(Entra p3 y nd)
P3: oigaaan el morro queria salir y lo saque de la unidad
Nd: mami ya arrestastaron al novio de mi prima tengo hambre y no hay inter
(Me voltea a ver)
Nd se asusta y sale corriendo al carro
P3: ey niño que paso (corriendo detras de el)
P1: entonces ya vamonos a la carcel
Yo: ey pero soy inocente!!
Nv: si es cierto el no me hizo nada
P1: espera que
P2: no encontre nada raro en la casa
Md: no es cierto la drogo para que dijiera eso
Nv: no es cierto
P2: pues yo no veo nada raro
P1: entonces que?
Yo: (cuento un resumen de todo lo que paso)
P1: puedes llamar a un superior para ver si es verdad
P2: ya lo llamo
(Para este punto ya estaba arto de todo)
P2: tiene razon
P1: señora tendra que venir con nosotros y pagar la puerta
Md: pero es mi hija
Nv: pero yo no te considero una madre me ire con papa
Despues de un rato llega
S: que paso?
S se aserca a mi y me pongo nervioso
S:gracias por cuidar y tratar bien a mi hija un placer conoserte
Yo: si gracias denada un placer tambien
S se lleva a nv y a mi y los policias a md y nd
Alfinal se supone que van a pagar la puerta y se llevaran 2 años de prision y 7 meses de servicio comunitario
Pst: si esta mal redactado es porque estoy cansado y no tenia animos de subirla pero tenia que hacerlo ( acabo de llegar del jusgado
Pst2: gracias al admin por resucitar se le quiere
Si hay preguntas las respondre
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2020.09.21 13:30 Svinjski Prokletnici, 10. epizoda: Izbjeglice

Akció! Izgalom! Új ajándék! Új epikus kaland; írta Siniša Morčić

Lijeno smo plutali prema mađarskoj granici u beskrajnoj rijeci musavih migranata. Čak se i Futro prepustio stihiji. Nakratko je promotrio granični prijelaz ispred nas pa opet pognuo glavu.
- Samo glave dolj', i lagano naprijed. Ak vas šta pitaju - no habla! - šapnuo je.
Hess ga je zbunjeno pogledao.
- Kak smo ono rekli da se ja zovem? - upitao ga je.
Futro je odmahnuo glavom.
- Ne zoveš se ti nikak! Ak te šta pitaju, jezik za zube i samo širiš ruke!
Hess je nastavio mrmljati.
- Sviđa mi se Husein. Nekako mi zvuči kao Hess.
Futro je zaškrgutao zubima.
- Heslija, tvoja će jaja na panj ak' te ulove! Što se mene tiče, mo'š se zvat i Burek Bin-Laden!
Debeli se pobjedonosno nasmiješio.
- Jamezdin Husein! To je to!
Futro ga je pljesnuo po zatiljku.
- Kuš! Neć' da te čujem više!
Hess je pognuo glavu, gunđajući.
- Kaj je, Futro? I ti bi si biral drugo ime da ti je tvoje tak ružno - rekao sam.
Hess se trgnuo iz svog transa i oštro me pogledao.
- Pravi se našao! Vidi ga: jebav'o gestapovac pedera!
Pokazao sam mu srednjak.
Hessova glava poletjela je naprijed kad ga je Futro opet klepnuo po zatiljku, a zatim se prijeteći nagnuo prema meni. Žena s ružnim djetetom u naručju ispriječila se između nas i spasila me od sigurne pljuske. Futro mi je zaprijetio masivnim prstom.
- Ti s' mi idući! A sade, neć' da vas čujem više!
Nastavili smo gmizati u koloni. Kad je došao naš red da prijeđemo ispod granične rampe, glavni među graničarima podviknuo je svom mlađem kolegi.
- Milojice, zaustavi kolonu! Odvoji mi onu trojicu! Nešta su mi previše beli!
Pokazao je prema nama.
Hess je stavio ruke na prsa, zbunjeno se osvrćući oko sebe.
- Šta je bre debeli, šta si se unezverio? - viknuo je zapovjednik.
Hess je raširio ruke odmahujući glavom kao da ne razumije. Zapovjednik je povisio glas.
- Jeste, tebi govorim, masni! Jesi l' gluv ili glup?
Graničar nam se približio, razmičući Sirijce kundakom. Odmjerio je Futru.
- Ti, dugački! Ispred mene!
Futro je otpuhnuo kroz nos i poslušao ga. Nije se htio prepirati s njegovom strojnicom. Graničar je skrenuo pogled na mene.
- A ti upicanjeni, šta se bre praviš blesav? Kušuj za njim!
Dok sam prolazio pokraj njega kratko je potegnuo rukav mog kožnatog kaputa.
- Nešto mnogo volite kožu u toj vašoj Siriji, pizda li vam materina šminkerska!
Hess se nacerio, a stražar ga je prekorio pogledom.
- Debeli, šta je smešno?
- No habla! - rekao je Hess.
- Ćut' bre! U kolonu po jedan!
Hess se poslušno svrstao iza mene.

Unutrašnjost carinske zgrade bila je vlažna. Spletom uskih hodnika sproveli su nas u omanju prostoriju u zabačenom dijelu kompleksa. Na golom betonskom podu stajale su tri plastične stolice, a na zid kraj vrata naslanjao se stol. Stražari su nas postrojili ispred stolica. Zapovjednik je stavio ruke na leđa i počeo nas jednog po jednog, bez riječi, odmjeravati.
Koldman je stavio ruku na prsa i krenuo nešto zaustiti, ali zapovjednik ga je prekinuo.
- Ma sedi bre dole, pederčino!
Koldman je zadignuo kaput, sjeo na prvu plastičnu stolicu i visoko prekrižio noge zureći u srbijanskog graničara. Vojnik ga je prostrijelio pogledom.
- Šta glumiš ti, koj' kurac? Šeron Stoun? A vas dvojica, šta se čeka!? Sedaj dole! – obrecnuo sa na Futru i Hessa.
Futro je prišao stolici u sredini i počeo se spuštati. Uglavio se u sjedište, ali i dalje se nastavio spuštati.
- Oop! - uskliknuo je.
Plastične noge stolice su se pod golemom masom počele svijati svaka u svom pravcu. Uhvatio je Koldmana za rame i pokušao se pridignuti. Stolica se raspala u komade, a Futro se, koliko je dug i širok, opružio po podu vukući Koldmana za sobom. U padu su mu iz džepova jakne ispali deseci glinenih fragmenata.
- Jebem li ti rumunjsku spitku i onoga ko mi ju je prodo! - opsovao je, ustajući.
Zapovjednik je pokazao na okrhnute glinene komade.
- A šta je ovo, bre?
- Grnčarija, ne - rekao je Koldman i polako posegnuo prema unutarnjem džepu kaputa.
- Ruke da ih vidim! - viknuo mu je graničar.
Koldman ga je ignorirao. Iz džepa je izvukao posjetnicu i pružio je zapovjedniku.
- Muhamed Abdulah Husein, akademski kipar; vama na usluzi! - rekao je samozadovoljno.
Zapovjednik je zaškiljio prema posjetnici.
- Specijaliziran za muške aktove - dobacio sam.
Zapovjednik me upitno pogledao.
Koldman je uzdahnuo. Pokazao je glavom na mene i Futru.
- To su mi braća. Blizanci. Mama je pušila po dvije kutije dok je bila trudna s njima.
Zapovjednik se na trenutak nacerio, a onda podviknuo na stražara, pokazujući na krhotine.
- Milojice, sakupi to!
Dok je stražar slagao krhotine na stol, zapovjednik je posegnuo za svojom radio stanicom.
- A sad će da gi upoznate majora Kra…

Zapovjednik straže nije stigao dovršiti rečenicu.
Vrata ćelije otvorila su se uz silovit tresak. Oniska, zdepasta spodoba, lica zaraslog u gustu bradu, furiozno je uletjela u sobu, ukopavši se ispred nas. Do tada gordi zapovjednik straže i njegova dva pomoćnika, stali su u stav pozor. Bradonja je, smrknuta lica, oštro podviknuo na njih.
- Šta se to ovde dešava, bogamu!?
Zapovjednik straže glasno je počeo referirati.
- Majore Krankelija, ulovismo tri sumljiva lica kako se kriju među izbeglicama!
- Sumljiva, kažeš? A po čemu su to oni sumljivi, Svetozare, lebac ti svetosavski ne jebem?
- Gosin majore, pokušali su da prešvercuju umetnine u Mađarsku!
- Kakve bre umetnine?
Svetozar je pokazao prema stoliću. Major je skrenuo pogled prema artefaktima, a oči su mu zaiskrile. Svetozar se opet proderao.
- Procenjujem da su vredne, gospodine majore!
Major se zajapurio
- Tišina bre! Procenjivaćeš ti meni na Kosovskoj granici, jel to jasno?
Zapazio sam kako Futro pomno promatra majorovo lice. Iznenada je viknuo.
- Kranak! Znao sam! Majke ću ti se najebat!
Major je, vidno zatečen, ustuknuo. Stražari su uperili strojnice u Futru, a on se teškom mukom suzdržao od juriša. Major Krankelija se isprsio i stavio ruke na bokove. Odmjerio je Futru od glave do pete.
- Čuj ti mene, dugonja… Ne znam koji ti je taj Kranak, al znam da si mi gadno nagrajso! Svi ste bre nagrajsali!
Odšetao je do stola i počeo prevrtati glinene noseve i čela.
- Glinene glave… Šta nije ovo bilo na televiziji? Kad su balije minirale ono neko groblje u... u Palomi?
- U Palmiri, primitivč… - Hess je zaustio, ali Futro ga je presjekao laktom u rebra.
- DOSTA! - major je graknuo. Pogledao je u mene.
- Odnegovani, ti mi izgledaš najpametnije. Reci mi: Je l' to tvoje maslo? Šverc umetninama, je li? Neki švaba bi silne evre platio za ovo, je li tako? - rekao je i počeo trpati krhotine u džepove.
Pročistio sam grlo i zakoračio prema stolu. Stražari su odmah uperili strojnice prema meni. Zastao sam.
- Gospodine majore, ti komadi fakat nisu vredni. Kako sam već rekel, to je kalo, od jeftinih kineskih kipova. Slepimo ih z gipsom pa prodamo turistima u Zaostrogu, ne. Sve po pet eura. Pardon, evra.
Hess se zagrcnuo susprezajući smijeh pa se obratio majoru.
- Istinu kaže, gospdine majore! Evo, ja sam mu trebao pomoći oko lijepljenja.
Major se obrecnuo na Hessa.
- Ti da ćutiš, debeli! Misliš da je ovo neka zajebancija? Ima svi da mi trunete u Zabeli, bre!
Futro se, cupkajući u mjestu od srdžbe, obratio majoru.
- Kran… Majore, ja sam za neki dogovor. Ljudi smo, jebiga.
Major ga je odmjerio. Otvorio je usta da nešto prozbori, kad su se iza njega otvorila vrata kroz koja je utrčao zadihani vojnik.
- Gospodine majore, izvinjavam se, ali pukovnik Trócsányi više neće da čeka!
Iz hodnika je odjeknuo rezignirani glas.
- Elküldött túl sokat, Krankeliszya!
Major je zaškrgutao zubima i okrenuo se Futri.
- Slušaj ti mene, bre Bosanac! Vreme za dogovore je odavno prošlo! Straža vodi ih u ćeliju!
Izašao je i zatvorio vrata za sobom.

Dok su nas vodili prema samici, jedan od stražara je podviknuo na Koldmana.
- Brže to, breee! Tebi govorim, tetka! Šta me posmatraš, koju pizdu materinu?
Grunuo ga je usadnikom u leđa, a on je zacvilio.
- Ljudi, ja nisam ni bil s njima! Išel sam kod tetke u Palmiru! Na bajram!
Stražar se nacerio i još jednom ga podbo niže rebara.
- Kod tetke bre, nego šta. Verujem ti sto odsto! Da ti pička materina obrezana!
Drugi stražar odmahnuo je glavom i šutnuo Koldmana u stražnjicu.
- Huseine, mnogo si mi nežan. Znaš šta u Zabeli rade takvima?
Prvi stražar se nadovezao.
- Ima bre da se napuši srpskog kurca! K'o njegova keva u Srebrenici!

Graničari su se počeli nekontrolirano smijati, na trenutak spustivši cijevi strojnica prema tlu. Futro je iskoristio situaciju i uz borbeni poklič se bacio na njemu bližeg vojnika. Udarcem ramenom odbacio ga je na zid, nakon čega se stražar stropoštao bez svijesti. Istovremeno, Hess je skočio na drugog stražara i trbuhom ga prikovao za tlo.
Nježno, kao kad majka uspavljuje novorođenče, počeo mu je šaputati na uho, sve jače ga pritiskajući mješinom.
- Pst… Pssst… Polaaa-ko… Sve će biti u redu… U-reeedu…
- U ti lebac - stražar je zavapio zadnjim dahom, lamatajući rukama ispod Hessove masivne mješine. Kad se prestao trzati, Hess je ustao i uzeo mu strojnicu iz ruke. Futro ga je pogledao s divljenjem.
- Uuu, jebem ti mater masivnu! Svaka čast!
Zatim je pogledao u mene.
- Šta je Robo, šta s' se ukop'o? Da ti se šminka ne b' razmazala?
- Vidil sam da vam sasma dobro ide i bez mene - otpuhnuo sam.
Hess je iskesio oštre zube u podli osmijeh.
- Nego šta. Rambo Koldman roka samo kad je gusto.
Repetirao je strojnicu i dobacio mi je.
- Pazi, otkočena je... Kao i tvoj šupak.
Obojica su se počela smijati.
- Jako smiješno - rekao sam i odbacio strojnicu na tlo.
Hess je uhvatio zraka, otpuhnuo, pa se obratio Futri.
- A šta ćemo sad?
Futro je pokazao prema smeđem vojnom vozilu s mađarskim zastavicama iznad farova i teškom strojnicom na krovu.
Hess ga je slijedio, a ja sam još par puta šutnuo beživotna tijela stražara, tek da se uvjerim da su svladani.

Projurili smo pored table “Horgoš, carina, 1000 metara”.
- Ako iko bude pit'o, a neće, vozim vas u Budimpeštu na samit Nesvrstanih!
Koldman se javio sa zadnjeg sjedišta.
- Da, Hess baš vuče na Nehrua, a ja sam pljunuti Naser. Briljantan plan.
Futro je prezrivo frknuo.
- Iss! Šta Mađar zna! Dajdere ti meni reci, je l' ti ostalo šta po džepovma?
Koldman je naglas počeo brojati.
- Jedan, dva, tri nosa... Jedno uho, ruka… Za ovo ne znam je li kosa ili brada - rekao je prevrćući fragment statue po šakama - Nisi moral baš sve porazbijati, znaš.
- Isti kurac! Staro je staro; vrijedi i ovak i onak! Ko da su ona govna po muzejima u jednom komadu!
- Da, ali Palmira je spomenik svjetske baštine, nisi baš trebal minirati…
- A kak bi inače skino te glave? Tvojom turpijom za nokte, lebac ti nejebem?!
- No, hvala Bogu na ISIS-u. Ne znam kome bismo to inače prišili - nacerio se.
Pred nama se iz mraka ukazao žičani zid. Futro je usporio, ali se nije zaustavio. Tik pred rampom, nagazio je na kočnicu. Koldman se zabio licem u Futrina leđa. Mađarski carinici kimnuli su nam u pozdrav, a Futro im je otpozdravio.
- Iss, misle da smo njijovi.
Pogledao je Koldmana u retrovizoru, cereći se.
- Vidiš ti, moj Roberat, šta ti znači bit diplomat? A ti jih baš mislijo pob't golim rukama, kažeš...
Prasnuo je u grleni smijeh, dok je Koldman proučavao svoje polomljene naočale.
- Pa možeš ih i zalijepiti. Malo gipseka i to je to - zasmijuljio sam se slavodobitno.
- Puši kurac, Hus - odbrusio mi je.
Vojnici su počeli uklanjati prepreke ispred nas. Futro je zadovoljno klepio šakama po volanu.
- Nema! K'o ćaća kad se vraća!
U tom trenutku, jedan carinik izašao je iz zgrade mašući komadom papira.
- Várj! - viknuo je.
Vojnici su zastali s uklanjanjem prepreka, pogledavajući se između sebe.
- Ezredes Trócsányi, az üzenet az Ön számára! - graničar je viknuo, pokazujući prema nama.
Futro je nervozno otpuhnuo.
- Šta sad ovaj oće, jebemu Is'sa?
Pogledom je potražio Koldmana u retrovizoru.
- Koldmanvaroš, ti znaš mađarski! Šta se dere ovaj?
Nije bilo odgovora. Okrenuo sam se i pogledao u mrak zadnjeg sjedišta. Koldmana više nije bilo ondje. Futro me upitno pogledao.
- Đe je nesto, lebac mu ne jebem žareni?
Carinik je krenuo prema nama, bijesno gestikulirajući.
A onda je lavež velikokalibarske strojnice proparao tišinu.
- Aupičku! - viknuo je Futro, saginjući glavu ispod volana.
Carinik je, pogođen paljbom, odletio nekoliko metara unatrag i stropoštao se u blato. Rafali su nastavili kositi mađarske vojnike i carinike. Kad je pucnjava prestala, na granični se prijelaz spustila sablasna tišina.
Trenutak kasnije, zadnja vrata vozila su se otvorila i Koldman se nonšalantno ubacio na sjedište. Svileni šal kojeg je do tada nosio oko vrata bio mu je zategnut preko čela kao Rambu, pridržavajući mu slomljene naočale. Zaudarao je na barutni dim.
- Kaj me gledate? Nemamo sad vremena za papirologiju, ne... - hladno je izjavio.
Futro i ja smo se pogledali.
- Boktejebo! - rekli smo uglas.
- Ludwig je rekel da ne plaća ako glave ne stignu do četvrtka. Dakle, vozi! - zapovjedio je Koldman.
Futro je bez riječi pokrenuo motor i, pažljivo obišavši leševe, potjerao džip prema Budimpešti.
submitted by Svinjski to Dekameron2020 [link] [comments]


2020.09.19 21:59 Mr_RAAWR Quiero mi espacio personal.

Para empezar, soy una adolescente y quiero un espacio personal con mi mamá. Quiero hablar de esto y que comprendan que no odio a mi mama ni mucho menos la desprecio, pero sinceramente quiero tener mi espacio entre nuestra relación.
No me gusta que husmeen en mis cosas y me digan que hice realmente me incomoda que hagan eso y me siento mal. Soy una persona que le agrada tener un espacio con las demás, desde pequeña nunca me hice muy cercana a nadie y solo ser amigos de lejos es lo mejor para mí, ya que cada que me quiero acercar a alguien y ser su mejor amiga generalmente no funciona porque veo el mal lado de la persona y me desagrada, aunque creo que los soporto bien recientemente mi temperamento ha cambiado. Mi ciclo de amistad es como: me acerco a ti, nos hacemos amigos, nos hacemos mejores amigos, no te comprendo del todo, tus defectos me molestan, me enojo y aburro, trato de que consigas a otra persona, me voy y solo somos amigos. Generalmente cuando trato de ser cercana a alguien o trato de tener un confidente resulta mal (por cierto, una lección importante de vida es que nunca le cuentes lo que pasa dentro de tu casa a una persona o amigo que no sea de confianza así te evitas muchos problemas en verdad) probablemente tener amigos de lejos es lo mejor para mí, siempre pensé que era una persona muy sociable pero recientemente me di cuenta de que me gusta tener un espacio personal con todos y disfrutar mi soledad para así conocerme y amarme, es lo mejor sensación que siento aparte de que no afecto a nadie.
Bueno he llegado a este punto soy una adolescente y mi madre se quiere meter mucho en mis cosas, como ya he dicho me gusta mantener mi distancia con las personas ya sea mi mejor amigo u otra persona. Tengo varias cosas que no le he dicho, como por ejemplo tengo mi vida sexual activa y no creo que sea malo, pero tampoco algo que quiera compartir con alguien. Es algo personal ¡de una sola persona y es mío! Mi madre nos ama y dice que le contemos todo lo que nos pasa, yo sé que no lo hace con mala intención, pero me incomoda que una persona sepa todo sobre mi y que se lleve mucho conmigo.
Me da miedo decirle que si me puede dar un espacio ya que mi madre es mexicana y digamos que somos muy llevados, yo nunca fui llevada con ella ni con mis hermanas de ninguna forma nunca me acostumbraron a eso hasta que llegue a la adolescencia, me empecé a desarrollar, ellas me decían que estaba muy nalgona y me metían nalgadas cosas así. Cabe aclarar que me quise adaptar, pero nunca me gusto que nadie más viera mi cuerpo desnudo, me incomoda y hasta me hace llorar. Bueno con la voz casi quebradiza le dije a mi mama que no me gustaba lo que hacía y ella creo que se ofendió y entristeció, pero entendió más o menos.
A veces a mí y a mis hermanas nos dice cosas así y realmente me rió por la incomodidad que siento que haga esas bromas. Bueno recientemente con lo de aprende en casa puse varios correos míos estaban a su mano a su mano, yo comento cosas en vídeos, digo groserías a veces, pienso que es normal como adolescente hacer esas cosas y natural para mi desarrollo al igual que sé que no está bien y debería disciplinarme. Pienso en ello como una forma de maduración mental.
Ella me recito en la mañana un comentario que hice en algún vídeo cualquiera, lo hizo en un tono burlesco y me sentí tan incómoda y enojada, me enoja que ni siquiera me pregunte si quiero un espacio personal o que quiera tener mis cosas en secreto. Entiendo perfectamente que una madre este preocupada por sus hijos porque es importante saber lo que hacen y así, pero que no consulten con los mismos ni siquiera preguntarle que les está pasando o si quiera querer decirles que no los juzgaran. Realmente me enojó, pero no pude hacer mucho, no quería que se diera cuenta de que lo estaba.
Ocupo el consejo de alguien, que debo hacer y como reunir valor para hacerlo, cada vez la incomodidad aumenta. Aunque creo que hago esto mas por desahogo, igual gracias por leer.
Abrazos desde México.
submitted by Mr_RAAWR to u/Mr_RAAWR [link] [comments]


2020.09.19 13:25 L161198 Rekla sam svojim roditeljima da ih se bojim i da me koče u studiranju i životu

Spomenula sam da bum to napravila u daily threadu pa ako ikoga zanima kako je prošlo, evo priče. Ovo pišem zato da to probam izbacit iz sebe i ako se još netko pronađe u ovom: bok, nisi sam.
Pa krenimo od početka. Moji roditelji su oboje odmah nakon srednje krenuli raditi. Mama je iz obitelji sa puno djece i kaže da ju nije imao tko gurati naprijed. Tata je pak iz obitelji koja se, prema njegovom, uopće nije brinula o njemu.
Uvijek su me gnjavili oko ocjena. Ali ne ono, ak ne buš učila, bit ćeš teta u kiosku. Mislim, bilo je i toga, ali njihovo je išlo tako da su me u osnovnoj školi tjerali da ispravljam četvorke. Svaki neuspjeh bio je popračen ili urlanjem ili time da su na mene bacili totalni ignore par dana. U šestom razredu, kad sam dobila svoju prvu dvojku (ne jedinicu, dvojku) sam se slomila na satu, počela se trest, plakat da ne mogu tako doći doma, da kaj bu mi mama rekla. Poslali su me psihologinji koja je kasnije zvala i moju mamu na razgovor. Mama je došla doma bijesna, izurlala se na mene kak sam ju mogla tako poniziti i koliko sam odvratna. Tjedan dana nije pričala sa mnom.
To ponašanje se nastavilo i kroz srednju školu tako da sam u drugom srednje imala svoj prvi pravi veliki napadaj panike. Ti napadaji panike su se nastavili do danas. Uhvati me jeza, hiperventiliram, plačem, ne mogu ništa.
Kroz sve to, u školi sam bila super, prolazila s 5, išlo mi je. Moj prvi pravi veliki neuspjeh bila je matura. Od silnog straha, od toga da su mi ju oni prezentirali kao najvažniju stvar na svijetu i straha od toga kaj bu bilo ak ju padnem, napisala sam ju loše. Dovoljno dobro da upadnem na pola fakseva sa svoje liste, ali nedovoljno da upadnem na svoj prvi izbor. Pa sam upisala matematiku, naravno, oni su me natjerali da ju upišem jer "s biotehnologijom neću nikad naći posao". Pa sam ju upisala i požalila u roku odmah. Jedva sam ih nekak uspjela nagovorit da mi puste da promijenim faks. Napokon upisala ono kaj sam htjela.
I sad sam tu di jesam, ne mogu sjest i učit bez da mislim kaj bu mi oni doma rekli ak padnem, ne mogu izaći na ispit bez da se bojim toga kak bum došla doma ak padnem.
Sve to sam im rekla. Da mi je jasno da mi žele samo dobro, da mi je jasno da imaju svoj razlog za sve. Mama me uopće nije htjela ni slušat, tata je još kolko tolko bio zainteresiran. Kad sam rekla da me strah od njih koči u životu i da bih samo htjela da me probaju pustit da se sama nosim s faksom, na to su odlijepili. Rekli da nisam normalna, da sam si za sve sama kriva. Tata mi je rekao da ne učim, ali mama je tu čak uskočila sa ispravkom, rekla da učim i da nitko ne može reći da nije tako. Rekli su mi da ja u životu nisam imala problem. Da samo sve svoje svaljujem na njih kako bi se osječala bolje. Rekli su mi da odje*em s tim "američkim forama" i da zapravo nemam pravo osječati se tako, da oni meni ničime nisu dali povoda za to.
Eto, mama je odlučila da i dalje neće pričati sa mnom, da ona od danas sa mnom nema nikakve veze, rekla da ju apsolutno boli briga oću se odselit od doma isti tren. Tata je čak nakon ovog da su moji osječaji glupost, da je njemu milijun puta gore i sve ostalo rekao da će mi udovoljit, da bu me pustio, ali da misli da ga ja samo pripremam na to da bum odustala od faksa ili letila s njega.
Samo napomena, selit se mi baš i nije opcija jer ne mogu radit uz faks, prezahtjevan je jednostavno. Ne bum pokušavala uspostavit nikakav kontakt s mamom dok ona ne krene pričati sa mnom jer znam da to nema smisla i ne želim joj udovoljavat na taj način.
Hvala svima koji su pročitali do kraja i samo mali disclamer da ovime ne tražim pomoć u vidu bilo kakvih financija, stanova u Zagrebu ili bilo čega drugog. Ovo je bio moj ispušni ventil i nešto za vas da čitate umjesto etikete na šamponu.
submitted by L161198 to croatia [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 18:31 subreddit_jumper Why you should buy your shit in ALDI/HOFER

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah! Bazen za našo babi - po HOFER CENI. Na vino foter vabi - po HOFER CENI. Heheh, lej tip 'ma gor baretko. Rože 'ma za Metko, ona brije se z žiletko - po HOFER CENI. Mmmm. Žemljce res sveže - po HOFER CENI. Pečenka gre iz mreže - po HOFER CENI. Šlatam tujo posteljnino, sosed vrta z bormašino, tamau grizlja malino - po HOFER CENI. Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Vedno blizu, zmer' okej po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI. Po-po-po HOFER ceni. Samo po HOFER CENI. Vegi zajtrk, bio mleko - po HOFER ceni. Na skrivaj rad jem zaseko - po HOFER ceni. Domači kolači, družina se oblači, štumfi, natikači - po HOFER CENI. Breskve iz kompota - po HOFER CENI. Maček 'ma robota - po HOFER CENI. Dedi stalno bajka, tamala cel dan lajka nabildanega Rajka - po HOFER CENI. Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Več kot fer in zmer' okej po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI. Po-po-po HOFER ceni. Samo po HOFER CENI. Mam' čelado za tornado - po HOFER CENI. Sam ujel je to orado - po HOFER CENI. Matr' dobra kava, ka' dela ta naprava, baletna žar zabava po HOFER CENI. Mulc poje ti čokolado - po HOFER CENI Kupil sem pikado - po HOFER CENI. Mama pije vitamine, sine fitnes proteine, vsi dobil' smo trampoline - po HOFER CENI. Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Vedno blizu, zmer' okej po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI. Po-po-po HOFER ceni. Samo po HOFER CENI. Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Več kot fer in zmer' okej po HOFER CENI (HOFER ceni). Vedno sveže, zmer' cenej' po HOFER CENI. Po-po-po HOFER ceni. Samo po HOFER CENI.
submitted by subreddit_jumper to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 06:57 AGENTE666 UN EXTRAÑO ME CONVIRTIÓ EN UN ¡¿ SAIYAJIN?¡ , Y ME PELEO CON UN NIÑO CON DERECHO

Pues, aunque el título sea poco creíble de creer pues si me paso, solo que no tengo cola
PERSONAJES:
EX: Extraño que me uso como rata del laboratorio
YO: humano o un saiyajin ustedes digan
ND: Niño con derecho
M: Madre
Historia:
Pues esto comenzó cuando iba por helados cuando me encontré con un hombre que estaba parado con un refresco por así decirlo , pues cuando esperaba a señor de la tienda a que me atendiera , el EX me pregunta si quiero el refresco que tenia en las manos ( como el idiota que soy lo acepte para no hacer el momento incomodo ) , cuando el señor de la tienda estaba le pedí los helados y después me fui , cuando llegue a casa vi que el refresco no estuviera abierto o que alguien se lo había bebido , al ver que no había rastros de covid tome un sorbo y sabia a Coca-Cola así que lo tome todo hasta dejar vacía la botella , entonces todo el día transcurrió normal hasta la mañana siguiente , que desperté con el cabello de color blanco hasta mis cejas , grite al verme en el espejo entonces , mi madre se despertó y me vio con el cabello blanco , entonces me pregunto de , por que tenia el cabello así , yo le respondí que no sabía , después me llevo donde mi tía que era médico , me llevo al hospital a altas horas de la mañana , cuando terminaron de revisarme no encontraron NADA ni covid encontraron en mí , en ese momento no me importo , hasta que recordé que tal vez el próximo año podría a ver clases y me verían todos con el cabello blanco así que me asuste , cuando llegue a casa comencé a pensar y ahí fue que recordé a ese hombre que me dio esa botella extraña así que fui a buscarlo al lugar donde lo encontré , pero no apareció , le dije a mi mama que saldría comprar algo , me dijo que vaya pero con capucha y mascarilla , cuando Salí vi a un niño que quería orinar en mi casa , así que le grite que no haga eso, el volteo a verme con cara de que le insulte a su madre , al tener su atención me dijo :
HD: eso a ti que te importa, vete si no quieres que te parte la cara
Yo: A ver, quiero ver que lo intentes (los que vieron mi historia de como derroto a un puñado de personas vieron como soy, así que esto niño no fue nada)
Al decirle eso saco una nudillera del bolsillo y se lo puso en la mano para atacarme , yo le intente dar un golpe , el lo esquivo y entonces me dio un golpe en la pierna, pero algo raro paso , ya que no sentí ningún dolor , al ver el niño que no caí me dio uno en el estomago , pero fue el mismo resultado , en ese momento aproveche pero darle un golpe en el estómago, al parecer me sobrepase ya que después de que le di el golpe estaba en el suelo agarrándose el estomago soportando el golpe después de eso se fue , cuando regrese a casa le dije lo que paso a mi mama , ella al verme en contando sobre lo sucedido me dijo que me viera en el espejo, cuando fui a ver de repente mi cabello volvió a la normalidad:
M: Veo que ya tienes el cabello normal pero que hiciste para que volviera a la normalidad
Yo: no lo sé , pero debe ser cuando pelee contra hd
M: debe ser, pero alégrate ya tienes el cabello normal
YO: si eso creo ….
Después de eso a la mañana siguiente estaba jugando en mi cel. Una partida, pero después la perdí junto con otras mas eso me enojo, así que apague mi cel. y me fui a ver you tube, después de 2 horas, mi mama me llamo a comer, así que baje a comer, pero cuando llegue mi mama se espanto al verme otra vez con el cabello de color blanco, esto también me impresiono, entonces me puse a pensar y encontré la respuesta , obviamente le dije a mi madre:
YO: Tal vez no me creas, pero de seguro cuando me enojo mi cabello se convierte en blanco y cuando no vuelve a la normalidad
MD: Mi madre no me creyó, pero dijo que viera si era cierto
así que esperé dos horas sin sentir enojo entonces se puso normal, ahí es cuando me di cuenta de que era cierto y me puse la idea de que era una especie de saiyajin humano o algo así
Pues así es mi historia depende de ustedes si la creen o no plantéense lo ustedes, bien, pues aquí me despido adiós.
submitted by AGENTE666 to padresconderecho [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 21:32 PhilattheGame Survival! (Day 23)

Tiedly, I watched as the last log was set in the west wall. For most of the morning, I had helped with the south wall. But Peggie had pulled me away to watch as the last log was set in the west wall. She wanted me to at least see that part, before I got really busy. Today several groups would be heading out to the mines. Denis had finally finished making all the food they would need to make the trip, and Doc had made a better way to carry water.
Samantha, Sheila, and Jackson’s group were really ready to go. Jackson had been inquiring all morning about them heading out. I had hoped that the south wall would have been finished before they left, but it was not to be.
The two separate groups, one led by Samantha and the other by Matthews, numbered about forty. The plan was to gather as much metals as possible. Originally only for tools and some weapons, but now for trade as well. If we could make friends with the lizards we could improve our situation immensely.
I stood before the two groups and listened as they joked and had fun. Taking a deep breath I settled the feeling of nervousness. I had ordered them to arm themselves heavier than my initial group. They all had nine-foot long spears, almost pikes. On top of that, all were armed with slings. Several even had made javelins. Also, Samantha had been given the bow that Susan had made. Two more were almost ready so we felt a little better with at least one group with a proper long range weapon.
If the wolf-thing was hostile I wanted the group as well armed as they could be. We, in the village, now had a barrier between us and it. But any group going out had no such defense. I didn’t know if the number of people going out would help or hurt, but it was better to err on the side of caution.
Figuring I was wasting time overthink things I spoke out, “Alright everyone Listen up. This goes without saying, but. Please be safe. Don’t take any unnecessary risks. Keep an eye out, and keep each other safe. We still don’t know what's out there for sure. Just get the metals we need and get back. We don’t need any other stuff. If you find something of course bring it back, just don’t go out of your way.
Samantha, Your group is in the biggest danger. But Matthews you need to be on your guard as well.” I looked at each group in turn then continued, “All of you need to make it back home. We’re counting on you.”
I watched as the Matthews group disappeared into the western tree line. Samantha’s group had a shorter trek to get into the forest and our path. As much as I worried about her group all I could really do was watch Matthews’ group go. I felt a little glum as I noticed, in the far west, rain clouds peeking over the horizon. Not storm clouds at least.
In an attempt to get the worry off my mind. I went to check out the farm that Leanna had started to the North-West side of the Village. I hadn’t gone over there since she had started her task, and I had some mild curiosity about it.
I knew that the Rice-wheat grew fast, but what I found was mildly ridiculous. The seeds that she had planted had already reached up to my shins. No wonder Greff and Stephenie worried about how quickly the rice-wheat grew. We would have to be extremely careful to not let any of the plants get away from us. It could destroy the local plant life.
It had the potential to save us from starvation, but could quite easily destroy us as well.
Kellye Drog, a Texan woman, had volunteered to take care of the fields. She had some experience with crops, but she had left home to be an electrical engineer. I happened to know her from the Renaissance Festival. She used to dress up as Joan of Arc. We would mock duel once a week for the fun of it. I would dress up in English Armer and she in her French Armer. Loads of fun.
“Hail Joan of Arc, how does it fair?” I jokingly said.
“Ha.ha. So funny Peter. I swore never to go back to farming. Now, look at me. Covered in dirt and mud.” She grumpily stated.
“You didn’t mind being dirty last time we met,” I teased her, “If I remember you hip-tossed me into the mud last time we dueled.”
“Yaya, What brings you out here?” She questioned.
I pointed west and the gathering rain clouds. “Just making sure you're all set. We’ve been getting more and more rain lately. I’m worried about how virulent the Rice-wheat is. If the rain sweeps any of it away we could accidentally kill the local plant life.”
“We’re all set,” She said and pointed around the field. “We raised the land by a foot. And we made a low point in the center of the field to collect all the cast-offs. Unless it rains a whole lot we should be good. From how deep the water got last time. I believe we should be just far away from the village, to not get caught up in it.”
I hoped that it would be enough. But Kellye knew what she was doing and Leanna and the others had planned it all out.
Satisfied I headed back into the village. And realized our little village was no longer a village but a fort.n And that we need to name our home. We were so close to being secure that I finally had time to think about it. We would be voting tomorrow on whether or not I would remain in command. And I decided to add an option to name our town. I would have to get with Doc and Mama F for that.
It was getting warm, just before the rain came. I figured I’d go see how Mama F was doing.
As usual, she was doing what she did best. She and her fishermen were bringing their hall from the river when I met them. I stopped to help carry a long rainbow fish with Mama F.
“I see fishing is still good. Who are things going with you all?” I inquired.
“It’s good. I’m starting to see some of our regular fishes again. I think some of these new guys are starting to petter out. And the regular stuff is finally able to move again.” She looked around at her Group.
“By the way Peter,” She said lowing her voice, “I’ve been noticing that the raptor friends have been more on the move lately. Everyone I've seen has been going south.”
“Dam… I’ve been wondering why? A lot of the animals we’ve seen have been doing that. The animals still don’t seem to be afraid of us yet. So it's not us, could it be the lizards? Why are all the animals leaving? Is it migration time or something? I guess if we can make contact with the Lizards we can find out.” I guessed.
Mama F got quiet for a minute before answering.
“I don’t know. I was excited to meet the Lizards, but I’m getting a little concerned. It might be some of the negative comments getting to me, or not. Just be careful when you go to meet the Lizards. It might just be that they do a lot of hunting and the animals have figured it out. Or not… We shouldn’t be so negative. I hope it's just all talk.”
We stopped talking as we dropped the fish off at the cooking area. And headed back to the river. We were quiet till we got back to the river. Then I remembered why I had gone to find her.
“Right here’s something more lighthearted. I was thinking we needed to name our village. Considering it's more of a fort now, maybe call it Fort something. I can't think of a good name. So when we vote, maybe we can get a list of names to call our home. How are we going on the voting thing?” I inquired, helping Mama F as she got into the river.
“Dam voting crap. It’s fine. I’ve got four hundred small, smooth stones gathered and I made some charcoal sticks. Doc is finishing up a little voting booth. Once he’s done I’ll go get the votes that the two mining groups left. Then we can start the stupid election. We should be ready by tomorrow.” She affirmed.
I had forgotten that the two mining groups had to vote, but of course, Mama F hadn’t.
“Right, it will be nice to get that out of the way. Peggie thinks the south wall will be finished today or tomorrow morning. She already got the gate set up and ready to go. I’ll have to get with Stefen and see how far he’s gone with the walkway. But the Walkway and watchtowers can come later.”
I looked at the ever rising sun and back to Mama F. “Right I need to go and check on everyone else. If you have any issues, have someone come find me.”
I was wanting to go and help in the forge, but first I had to check with everyone else. The first stop was with Susan. She had two other people helping her today. The two new bows they were working on looked great. They would be finished in a day or two. Susan could hardly wait to test them out. She also had two more Yew branches ready to go as well. Susan had hit her stride and was certain that she could make two bows a week with the right help.
Next, I stopped at Doc’s corner. He immediately presented me with a pair of women's clothes. The buckskin shirt and pants looked well made.
“Uh Doc, I don’t think these will fit me,” I jested
“Yes, yes. Very funny. These are for Miss Jessie. Sense she one of the shortest people here I figured her’s would be the easiest to make. I made Peggies first. She was the first one to volunteer to be my guinea pig, so she got first set. We will have one men’s pair made sometime today, and another woman's pair as well. Unless Tim and David get more of the Deer we won't have enough for everyone.
But Mrs. Jennifer has been working with the hair we get off the pigs, and she thinks that she might be able to make clothes from them. If we do like we’ve been planning to do and domesticate the pigs. We won't need to really depend on the deer. I can't make clothes with that hair, but there are some people here who can,” Doc said as he worked on a new set of clothing.
I thanked him and moved on. Next was Austin. But he has stopped working as the rain that had been threatening us finally moved in. Three of his work areas were covered but the rest were in the open air. With the rain, they had to stop. I would have to find a way to get all the work areas undercover. He had been busy with making new tiles for the roof. Now, as we got undercover, he was talking about going hand helping with the woodcutters. If we could get the wall done we could concentrate on making wooden homes and workplaces. I left him to it and went to see how Srg. Samuels was fairing.
Really well it turned out. She had finished with the logs for the wall. And now had headed out to join the group cutting trees for the house.
She didn’t have much to say. She was still mad about what had happened last night. She had looked around that morning and found the tracks of the person who attacked Jenkins. They weren't women's size, so that eliminated Rebecca. But not Jerrod. Samuels had tried to see what type of shoe’s Jerrod had. But “somehow” his shoes had gone missing.
I figured I wasn’t going to get anywhere with Samuels, so I left and went back to the village.
Spent the rest of the morning checking on everyone. I stopped to have a meal and finally went to the forge.
As I entered the forge I could hear the rhythmic pounding of someone forging. The first thing I was was that two more forges were finished being made. Stephenie was building a fire in one and Jonathan was doing the same in the other. Griff and Henry were working on the fourth one. They were about halfway done and only needed more mortar to finish. I must have missed Victoria.
What I really was interested in was Darwin, Ed, and Oliver. Darwin had made a hammer out of a stone, stick, and twine. He was pounding away at a Bronze Axe head that Oliver, using two branches as tongs, held in place. Until we could make a proper anvil we would use a flat stone. No doubt it would be pounded into dust rather quickly.
Darwin must have just been finishing up as I had arrived. Because after a dozen more trikes He stopped and Ed moved in carefully. Still, with one hand, he slid a handle into the open end. Oliver let go and got a liver of bronze. Ed took it and used it to secure the ax shaft.
Smiling, they turned to me.
“Well, Peter! Come and look.” Darwin said.
I took the ax and looked it over. It would do! The handle left much to be desired, but so we could make the tools we needed to make better handles. It was all coming together. Once the coal coke was ready we could start making steel spears heads. I figured that we would have enough copper and tin that we could make all our daily tools out of bronze. Any important stuff we could make it out of steel. The vision of armor, swords, and the like popped into my head. Grant it we really didn’t need to make other weapons than spears and arrows. But It would be nice to be able to make such things again.
“Right guys, Keep it up! I think we can get another ax out today, and maybe one or two other tools. I’d say a hammer and a chisel.” I told the room.
Ed held up a bronze and copper chisel. “We’re good on chisels for now Pete. Once the other two forges are ready I’ll make some more.” He pointed at one of our other smiths. “Thomas is making more molds as we speak. We’ll have one for knives, one for utensils, ones for woodworking, and more.”
Pleased I went to work.
After a long day working with the forge. I almost missed when Tim David and their group returned from their hunt. Again I had forgotten about them. The constant rain also made it hard to hear the calls.
Triumphantly they entered through the almost completed wall. In the center of the group four of the hairy pigs walked. They didn’t need much coaxing. All that was needed was some food to be waved in front of their faces. Tim led the pigs to the pin that had been set up just for such an occasion. Everyone was cheering the hunters. Not only had they caught the hair pigs but they had also killed three of the six-legged deer. On top of all that they had found another new animal. It was a mix of a zebra and a giraffe. A really short giraffe, mind you.
Two little zebra-giraffes followed behind the group. It was obvious that they were the infants of the one the hunters had caught.
Once all the animals had been squared away Tim and David approached me. While everyone gawked at the cute little animals. We talked.
“We found where most of the animals have been heading. There’s a valley to the south of here, about a half’s says march. Would have missed it if I hadn’t seen some deer heading down into it. Really hard to spot the valley if you don’t know where to look. The Deer and pigs were the biggest groups of animals there. But we saw a bunch more there too. These guys are the next biggest group we saw.” Tim told me and indicated the Zebra-giraffes, “there’s more of them coming from the Northwest too. Nun of the big anteaters though.” David waved at one of the other hunters. She brought us her bag and showed the contents.
“We noticed that the animals were all eating something other than the grass. We got some to show you,” David told me.
In the bag were some gray and brown pellets. About as big as my thumbnail. They smelt strongly, making me a little nauseous.
“They were eating this up. Seemed to love it.”
“Someone must have put them there for the animals,” I pointed out.
“Ya… I know. But we needed the animals. If taking a handful gets them here then so be it.” Tim firmly stated.
“I think you missed what I meant. There’s another group of intelligent people out there. Someone capable of making these pellets.”
That seemed to dawn on the two men.
“Oh shit.” David breathed.
“Could it be the Lizards?” Tim question.
“They would have to have passed us to get where you found the animals.”
“Right…” Tim had to think about that for a minute.
“I hope we didn’t just steal someone’s animals. If we did we better make it worth their while if they come looking,” I decided.
As it started to get dark. I held a meeting of the different groups like I usually did. Peggie told us that the wall would be done in the morning. Doc was certain that in the next week he would have five more pairs of clothing ready. Austin had managed to make enough tiles, to replace any that might get blown off in a storm. Srg. Samuels loved the ax that Darwin had made. With it, she had felt three trees by herself. She biting at the bit, knowing that we almost had enough parts we needed to make all the tools we needed to make planks. But she could wait, as long as we produced more axes for her people to use.
She had also taken to wearing her linothorax armor. Why I didn’t know. But somehow she managed to pull off the look, she looked quite the badass. Next came Denis and Leanna. Their food stores were looking good. At some point, RJ had made a little hut where they stored the food. Mostly dried and smoked fish. But other meats were growing in abundance. I had been worried about winter, but with the rice-wheat, we might be set. As long as we keep storing more food.
O’Malley told us that there had been no sighting of the wolfthing since the previous night. He and the other guards would continue to keep an eye out. Stefen and his little group had finished the east and north wall walkways and were halfway finished with the west wall. Peggie had redesigned the walkway and they would do the south wall in that design.
When everyone had said their piece I noted Oliver and Maggie. The two young people that had found the dead Raptor all those days ago.
“What can we help you with?” I asked. Both suddenly got red in the face.
“Well, uh. Mr. Peter... “ Oliver stumbled to a stop.
Maggie had to continue, “Well Sir. We didn’t know how to approach this, but… well… I think... I might be pregnant.”
Everyone stared at the couple. I really didn’t know what to say. Luckily Srg. Samuels came to the rescue.
“But you're not sure,” She stated and walked up to the younger woman.
“No mama, but you know…” Maggie made a face.
“All right. I don’t know if we should congratulate you, or box your ears for being so careless. But we should have seen this coming. This was going to happen sooner or later. We should have been preparing,” Samuels turned to me. “What do we do now? Tell people not to have sex? That’s never going to work.”
I shrugged, “We can’t do much about that. I guess we just have to start making plans for an eventual wave of children being born.”
Ed grumbled next to me, “Consider what my Flatmate nightly activity, sooner rather than later.”
After the meeting had broken up and Samuels had attended to Maggie. Myself, Victoria, and Peggie made our way to our home. I now had more to think about. A possible new intelligent group to find. The inevitable fact that people would start having families. And more. I almost walked past our home. I was so deep in thought.
Peggie grabbed my arm, “Hold up Peter!”
“Sorry, I was lost in thought.”
“Don’t start down that rabbit hole. You’ll never get to sleep,” Peggie teased, as she pulled me into our home.
My bed was missing. The spot where Peggie’s bed had been now held a double bed. I looked at Peggie and lifted an eyebrow.
“Don’t like it,” She giggled.
I could feel my face turning red as Victoria spoke, “Do I need to find someplace else to sleep tonight?”
Before Peggie could respond someone came running up behind Victoria.
“Peter! Their back. The people you sent out to watch the Lizards are back.”
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https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/gfbdhu/survival_part_1_day_1/
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2020.09.15 14:54 Geoc64pr Bee

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According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally!
submitted by Geoc64pr to beemovie [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 08:39 Johannprro Tío con derecho y su mocosa trata de robar mi Xbox

Ok esto paso ayer y se me ocurrió publicarlo aqui así que bueno:
Contexto: Tengo 12 años me gustan mucho los videojuegos también tengo una Xbox en la sala de mi casa con una tele algo grande, por cierto la mocosa de mi tío me caía re mal y yo a ella pero bueno a la historia.
Elenco:
Yo:pus yo
PD:mi tío con derechos
ND:la mocosa de mi prima
M:mi mamá
Pa:mi papá
P1:Policía 1
P2:Policía 2(casi no participa)
Historia:
Bueno mi tío llego a visitarnos a mi mamá ya que era su hermana bueno yo no tengo nada de paciencia con los niños además tengo un bote lleno de juguetes y mi mamá siempre se los presta a los niños que vienen pero bueno entonces llegó mi tío con su mocosa yo estaba en mi cuarto jugando con mi celular pero me aburrí así que salí a la sala jugar con mi Xbox total que la prendi y estaba jugando left 4 dead 2 que es mi juego favorito entonces la mocosa estaba jugando con mis juguetes y como dice el dicho "un ojo al gato y otro al garabato" ya que aveces me roba juguetes entonces veo que mete algunos en su pequeña mochila pero lo deje pase ya que esos ya no servían y mi mamá los iba a tirar de todos modos (cabe recalcar que cuando iba a su casa aveces veía mis juguetes). Entonces se me acerca y dice oye puedo ver frozen en tu etsbots (si así lo dijo)
Yo:No(mientras seguía jugando)
ND:pero yo quiero ver frozen(ya gritando y dando saltitos)
Yo ya enojado:¡QUE NO Y ANDA VE A CHINGAR A OTRO LADO!
ND:*Se va llorando
Se me olvidó decir que mi tío estaba afrontando un divorcio y estaba peleando por la custodia total de la mocosa y para que lo eligiera a el, la malcriada ya que cualquier cosa que ella quisiera se la daba casi sin importar el precio y lo mismo con la madre
Así que la mocosa se fue con mi tío que estaba con mi mamá y mi papá en su cuarto y luego pasa lo que tenía que pasar llega mi tío con derechos y me dice
PD:por qué no le dejaste ver frozen a mi angelita en tu cochinada
Yo ya molesto le digo:
1:Porque la estoy usando
2:Porque es mía y
3:porque no quiero
Entonces el ti Ken dice:¡No me importa, si mi hija la quiere tu se la das maldito mocoso maricon de mierda!
Cabe recalcar que mi tío era extremadamente homofóbico y constantemente hacía chistes homofóbicos por eso yo no me llevaba con el
Yo bien explosivo le dije:¡Ya cállate de una vez con tu homofobia que ya estoy harto de ti y de tu mocosa(dije mientras cargaba un arma de bolitas de gel de modelo M16 que pega realmente fuerte)
PD:¡Maldito mocoso marica como te atreves a insultarme y amenazarme!
Para este punto salió mi mama y mi papa y pregunto
M y Pa:Que está pasando aquí
Yo:¡Mi tío di-
PD:¡Tu maldito mocoso marica me insulto y amenazó además no dejo a mi hija tener su cochinada!
M:Pus es suya(alzando una ceja)
PD:¡Pero mi angelita la quiere y se la voy a dar!
M:¡Mira cabron ya me tienes harta de que estés malcriando a tu hija y de que estés insultando a mi hijo!
PD:¡Cómo te atreves a llamarme así maldita mocosa recuerda que soy mas mayor que tu!
PD alsa la mano para darle una cachetada a mi mamá pero mi papá lo detiene y le dice
P:No dejaré que le pongas un solo dedo encima
Mi tío y mi papá empiezan a forcejear y yo con mi M16 le dispare a mi tío en la nalga . El se da la vuelta y me mira feo, yo recargue y le volví a disparar esta ves en el estómago entonces mi papá lo toma por detrás pero mi tío al ser muy robusto y musculoso se soltó fácil, en eso entro de golpe mis abuelos y los policías
P1:¿Que está pasando aquí?
M:¡Mi hermano tra-
PD:¡Oh policía por fin llegan yo trate de recuperar la consola de mi angelita!
La mocosa hasta entonces callada:¡Si es mi juguete!
Si abuelos ya les empezaban a creer a mi tío ya que nunca les mencioné que tenía una consola ya que ellos están en contra de la tecnología
Yo ya harto les digo:¡Si es tuya supongo que sabes cómo usarla!
Yo le di el control y ese fue mi gran error la ND apenas despausar el juego nisiquiera pudo moverse y la incapacitaron ella se enojo y le tiró el control a la pantalla
ND:Noooo,yo quería ver Frozen
Yo:¡Ahora sí maldita mocosa!
La tomé y la tire del sillón en el que estaba y cuando queria golpearla el P2 me detuvo
Yo:¡¿Vez? Nisiquiera puede usarla además rompió la pantalla!
P1:señor queda arres-
El PD empujó al policía entonces agarro la Xbox y a su mocosa y trato de correr pero obviamente la Xbox estaba conectada lo que hizo que tropesara y callera junto con su hija y mi Xbox, el P1 le puso las esposas y levanto mi Xbox que afortunadamente solo se rompió la esquina de la carcasa pero llore, se llevaron al PD y a su mocosa en la patrulla y presentamos cargos, tuvo que pagar una nueva tele y la reparación de Xbox y del control que también se daño al impactar y al caer, también tuvo que pagar daños psicológicos ya que somos algo humildes y mis papás de verdad se esforzaron en comprarla por mis buenas calificaciones y le tenía mucho cariño a esa consola, pago varios años en la cárcel y la mocosa se quedó con su madre.
Posdata:La consola era una Xbox one Slim
Si se va a usar en un vídeo solo pido que por favor dejen el link, Gracias por leer y/o escuchar
Que tengan lindo día Johann fuera
submitted by Johannprro to padresconderecho [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 06:37 alex_pina4 Madre con derecho me intenta m4t4r 😱

En madre y hijo con derecho me discriminan por ser bi y me reencuentro con madre con derecho se la llevaron a la cárcel a Karen pues le dieron 3 años pero le pagaron la fianza ¿Quien? No sé y me dió miedo cuando me entere:
Elenco:
Yo: que se volvió recientemente fan de miraculous
MD: Q.E.P.D y no es broma me sentí mal por ella
NV: mi novio
HD: que lastimosamente se quedó sin familia
P1: uno de los mejores polis que me han atendido
P2: no quiere hacer su trabajo
Historia:
Cuando bajo la pandemia en México aproveché para visitar a mi novio y darle la sorpresa de una casa con el setup que siempre quiso pero le da hueva hacer videos y ni canal se creo pero bueno no vinimos a eso.
Salimos a comprar comida al súper cuando salimos veo a MD con un arma sin seguro apunto de disparar
MD: tu me hiciste sufrir mucho y ahora te toca a ti
Empujó a mi novio a lo película evitando que le pasara algo
MD dispara pero me da en el brazo por lo que no me mata
HD: corriendo ESPERA MAMA NOO
Aquí lo único que recuerdo fue que mi novio me estaba tapando la herida con un suéter que tenía y HD peleando con MD sobre que me iba a morir y todo eso me desmayo
Desperté en el hospital con mi novio llorando al lado mío le dije que no se preocupara que estaba bien y lo bese debido a que es asmático y tiene problemas de corazón no puede asustarse mucho
NV: me salvaste la vida a Karen le dieron pena de muerte y HD se quedó en la calle te amo supe que eras muy buena persona incluso eres capaz de dar la vida por alguien que quieres
Yo: vaya nunca te vi hablar así pues eres un poco infantil yo también te amo y daría todo por ti
Le dije que me llevará con HD y después de regarle demasiado acepto y si efectivamente se quedó en la calle y ni la casa de MD heredó
Yo: mira tú y yo nunca seremos nada pero nadie merece vivir así y te voy a ayudar a conseguir trabajo y comprarte un departamento y ya después te mantienes tu
HD: muchas gracias perdón por todo y se que no se puede perdonar el intento de homicidio pero aún así gracias
Después de eso estoy tratando de recuperar la movilidad del brazo y poco a poco lo estoy logrando incluso pude escribir esta historia y compartirla gracias por leer
Q.E.P.D señora que nunca supe su nombre pero espero este mejor y recapacite sus pensamientos y acciones
Edit 1: jaja salu2 ya no me acuerdo que iba a poner
submitted by alex_pina4 to padresconderecho [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 21:51 ariasamm Here’s the Bee Movie Script in English since the first got removed. Mods can’t stop us.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
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2020.09.11 17:12 AGENTE666 MADRE CON DERECHO TRATO DE SECUESTRARME DE ......BEBE?¡

Si como oyeron en el titulo una karen trato de secuestrarme cuando era un bebe , bueno esto me lo contó mi abuela , para que entienda la historia era rubio cuando era un bebe asi que ya saben el porque :
PERSONAJES :
MD : Madre con derecho
yo : un gohan en crecimiento
P : Mi papa
PO : policía
M : mi mama
AB : Mis abuelos
AM : Amigos de mi padre
HISTORIA:
Esto empezó a los 3 primeros meses en nacer , como dije había nacido con cabello rubio, ojos marrón y piel blanca , mi papa al ver que tuvo un hijo rubio y de piel blanca comenzó a llevarme con el a cualquier sitio ara presumir sutilmente que tenia un hijo rubio , en eso de esas veces que me llevaba con el , me llevo al parque ya que quiso ir a jugar fútbol con sus amigos y me dejo en el carrito cerca de el para que pudiera verme , al pasar 2 horas los amigos de mi padre se fueron , le dijeron que vendría otra vez en media hora , el estaba conmigo mesiendome cuando de repente vino KAREN , voy aclarar una cosa karen era despreciada por que siempre insultaba y gritaba a cualquier persona que obtuviera suerte en la vida , al saber que mi papa me tuvo a mi con cabello rubio comenzó a decir que me robo ya que era de piel oscura , sip mi papa era de piel oscura y mi mama de piel blanca , asi fue l conversación de mi papa con MD :
MD : Que es lo que haces con ese bebe
P : Es mi hijo lo estoy meciendo para que se duerma
MD : ( riendose ) como este hermoso bebe puede ser tu hijo , mírate ni siquiera se parece a ti
P : Y eso a ti que te importa
MD : Me importa por que de-seguro te o robaste
P : QUE ?¡ Acaso te estas escuchando
MD : Eres negro , los negros no pueden tener hijos blancos y encima que sen rubios
P : Mi esposa es blanca eso basta para ti , loca
MD : Deja de mentir de seguro no es cierto , y te lo robaste , me llevare a ese bebe y lo llevare con sus verdaderos padres
En eso que MD se acerca mi padre e pone en el camino apartándola de mi , MD comienza a gritar y pidiendo ayuda diciendo que mi padre , me a robado y de que ella es mi madre , en esos gritos viene el wachiman del barrio junto con un policía al parecer escucharon el alboroto y fueron a ver que pasaba , cuando llegaron MD comenzó a decir que mi padre me había robado y que yo era su hijo , el policia le dijo que se calmara y que tomarían la historia de los dos , el wachiman tomo la historia de MD y el policía la historia de mi padre , cuando no encontraban una solución al problema , en eso viene los amigos de mi padre y al ver la situación en que se encontraba mi padre fueron a ver y le preguntaron a mi padre lo que pasaba y les contó todo lo sucedido , en eso ellos hablan con PO :
AM : Señor lo que dice P es verdad el es su hijo , si no nos cree que se hagan una prueba de sangre
MD al escuchar eso palideció en eso vinieron mi mama y mis abuelos para verme y al ver el escenario fueron auxiliarme a mi padre cuando supieron lo que pasaba mi abuela saco los documentos de mi nacimiento , en ese entonces los tenia ya que todavía no los había sacado de su bolso cuando el policía y el wachiman vieron los documentos de mi Nacimiento arrestaron a MD y la llevaron a la comisaria sin antes preguntar a mi padre si quería presentar cargos , mi abuela lo detiene y le dice que ella presentara cargos contra MD , al final tuvo unos 10 años de cárcel por intento de secuestro , dar falsa información y otros mas que ni me acuerdo , al final de eso mi abuela le grito a mi padre por llevarme a un lugar así y que no lo vuelva hacer por mi seguridad .
PD : Ya no tengo el cabello rubio como antes he tratado de encontrar una solución lógica a esto me abuela me dijo que era por que no me baño, no creo que sera eso ya que me baño tres veces a la semana , le pregunte a mi tía , hermana de mi abuela ya que ella era religiosa y quise saber que decía la religión sobre esto , ella me dijo que era un castigo de dios hacia mi padre por que me tomaba a mi primero y a mi hermano no , y por no tomar la misma importancia que me da a mi hacia mi hermano dios lo castigo haciendo que mi cabello y ojos se oscurecieran al pasar el tiempo pero la piel no. gracias por leer la histori si quieres utilizarlo en un video te dejo con tal de que pases link . aDIOS
submitted by AGENTE666 to PadresConDerechos [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 22:49 blindguy97 Bee

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better!
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2020.09.09 14:34 FeddyFoozbear the letter T stands for..... stands for...... t- ti- ti tits? as in................. GIRLS!?!?!?!?! WHOA MAMA! HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA BAZOOOOOOOOING! *EYES POP OUT* AROOOOOOOOGA! *JAW DROPS TONGUE ROLLS OUT* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF

the letter T stands for..... stands for...... t- ti- ti tits? as in................. GIRLS!?!?!?!?! WHOA MAMA! HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA BAZOOOOOOOOING! *EYES POP OUT* AROOOOOOOOGA! *JAW DROPS TONGUE ROLLS OUT* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF submitted by FeddyFoozbear to fanfepic [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 17:46 FeddyFoozbear Female security guard!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!??!!?!?? Bru h sa ns

the letter T stands for..... stands for......
t-
ti-
ti
tits? as in.................
GIRLS!?!?!?!?! WHOA MAMA! HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA BAZOOOOOOOOING! EYES POP OUT AROOOOOOOOGA! JAW DROPS TONGUE ROLLS OUT WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF TONGUE BURSTS OUT OF THE OUTH UNCONTROLLABLY LEAKING FACE AND EVERYTHING IN REACH WURBLWUBRLBWURBLRWURBLWURLBRWUBRLWBURLWBRUWRLBLWUBLR TINY CUPID SHOOTS AN ARROW THROUGH HEART AHHHHHHHHHHH ME LADY... HEART IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART STARTS BEATING SO HARD YOU CAN SEE IT THROUGH SHIRT BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM MILK TRUCK CRASHES INTO A BAKERY STORE IN THE BACKGROUND SPILING WHITE LIQUID AND DOUGH ON THE STREETS BABY WANTS TO FUCK INHALES FROM THE GAS TANK HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKA MASTURABTES FURIOUSLY OHHHH MY GOOOOODD~
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